Phoenix
Phoenix: BSE
Phoenix at a Glance
The Game
Sign Up
Nexus Tour
FAQ
Flagship#130 Review
Resources
History
Calendar
Wallpapers
IRC and player sites
SubSpace Static Archive
214
Previous Years
Intergalactic News
Issue 28
Issue 27
Issue 26
Issue 25
Issue 24
Issue 23
Issue 22
Older Issues
 
214.1 – 214.5



Subspace Static - Star Date 214.1  [Recruit]

No issue this week.

Subspace Static - Star Date 214.2  [Recruit]



Subspace Static - Star Date 214.02.5

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Guest PERMANENT Editor! ***

Overlord Kang sends you greetings in this new year, you pathetic mewling sacks of meat.

Kang finds himself in a bounteous and ebullient mood, perhaps it is the fresh hope of a new year and all of the new opportunities for slaughter that it brings, or perhaps it is because Kang just firebombed an orphanage.

YOU DECIDE!

HERE IS THE NEWS!


*** Glorious Flagritz Release Glorious News ***

As the FLZ year ends, it is party time.

Special Action/Breeze/Flagritzmas/213.52
Native slaves are pumped full of drugs and forced to fight and afterwards the winners are driven round the base by a flagritz mob - all in all a thoroughly enjoyable festival. When all the flagritz retire to eat and drink more slaves are then forced to wash down the blood.
There is a temporary increase in sales from the surge of visitors to the base to watch the spectacle.


Special Action/Fornfell/Flagritzmas/214.1
Slaves are given the roll of masters, appearing to direct the actions of flagritz for the day though any obvious overstepping the boundaries results in the immediate removal of the fractious upstart. A lot of slave deaths later, the flagritz involved and those coming to watch declare it a great success and boost to the short term trade.
There is a temporary increase in sales from the surge of visitors to the base to watch the spectacle.

Special Action/Trostfell/Flagritzmas/214.1
Slaves are given the roll of masters, appearing to direct the actions of flagritz for the day though any obvious overstepping the boundaries results in the immediate removal of the fractious upstart. A lot of slave deaths later, the flagritz involved and those coming to watch declare it a great success and boost to the short term trade. There is a temporary increase in sales from the surge of visitors to the base to watch the spectacle.

Special Action/Flagritzmas/Boxing Day Hunt/214.1
Hundreds of boxes are laid out to await the inevitable corpses of the escaped slaves ridden down in the traditional flagritzmas hunt. A few slave beaters join the growing pile of bodies as enthusiasm gets the better of a few of the novices or the pack animals mistake the scent.
All in all another good day and the flocking crowds boost planetary sales from the starbase by up to 10k.


Kang loves the smell of Flagritzmas in the morning.


*** Aliens March Onwards ***

The Catnip Munching Surrender Kittens appear to continue their slow pathetic crawl out from under the heel of the Flagritz Whipping Boys, as they seem to have successfully claimed the Nexus system away from the CNF-Bloc:

“The Nexus system is now a territorial annex of the Felini Tyranny. All positions within are subject to Felini law. Retention of pre-annexation assets will be permitted if the are registered or have registration pending within 1 week of the announcement.”

Kang cannot find it in his heart to congratulate you, furry meatsacks, but Kang is grudgingly hopeful that you will find it in your hearts to hunt those puny humans out of the system and into an early grave.

Kang contacted the so-called ‘Emperor Of Humanity’ for some comment, but apparently the Palace is not returning Kang’s calls.


*** Aliens Cozying Up With Humans?!? ***

Kang has learnt that the Dewiek have ‘accidentally’ destroyed some GTT freighters in the Dyson system this week. But shockingly then went on to apologise for this incident, and further TO PAY COMPENSATION!

It is a sad sad day when Kang witnesses puny human meatsacks being paid compensation for the loss of their meaningless empty lives.

Kang has to wonder what has gone wrong with the Dewiek. But Kang has also learnt that the Dewiek are now claiming a system in the Inner Empire!

Have the Dewiek signed up with the much-hated Empire Of Humanity? Did they have a secret arrangement all along to destroy the Confederacy? KANG IS STARTING TO HAVE SUSPICIONS!

Or is that indigestion?

Kang is uncertain.



*** Anonymous Meatsack Issues Anonymous Warning To Other Meatsacks ***

Press Release: GCE warfleets are nothing but trouble and will no longer be tolerated in Indar orbit. Go away and stay away.

Kang wonders, is this warning from some privateer or mercenary types? Kang finds the anonymity curious. Kang suspects somebody has something to hide. But Kang is okay with that. Kang frequently has things to hide too. Like all of his pointy objects inside your sack of meat.


*** Spate Of Firebombings Declared Tragedy ***

A number of schools, hospitals and orphanages have burnt down across Mobile Bay this week. Health and safety inspectors suspect arson.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


*** Persian News ***

The glorious Flagritz continue to bombard the tragically misguided Ulians on Ahura Mazda with orbital artillery and ground bombers pounding the USN outpost Manis.

Several hundred Krell mercenaries are understood to have died in the bombardment, much to the pleasure of both the FLZ and the USN high command, who always enjoy watching lackeys die in brutal slaughter.

The glorious Flagritz have however faced some criticism for their deployment of HLQ class Heavy Cruisers in this operation. And it is a fair question, what is the Empire Of The Race doing utilising puny human vessels?

Kang is uncertain too. Kang suspects scorn may be incoming.

PATHETIC FLAGRITZ LEADERSHIP! HUMAN MEATSHIPS ARE INFERIOR MEATSHIPS!


*** TCA Update ***

Kang has heard that two small GTT mining outposts may have been bombarded by the Terran Colony Annihilators.

Wake Kang when something important gets massacred.


*** Falconian News ***

Ship navigators (and others) have been puzzled this week by a temporal anomalie that left many falconian ships completing journeys only to find themselves transported back to where they started. Ships of many other affiliations were also effected suggesting the sort of random improbable effect that could cause you to repeat actions without realising it. Anyway not to worry whats the chance of that happening again. Anyway not to worry whats the chance of that happening again.
Outer Capellan News

Dark Sun City has bounced back to near normal efficiency after last weeks hiccup.
Falconian explorers in the newly discovered Maridan system have not been shocked by finding other affiliations already present. IMP, AFT and GCE are already busy in the system which contains a habitable planet.

Cluster News
A newly claimed outpost has revealed two more trade goods though previous mismanagement has led to depletion of the resources. Falconians are working with locals to remedy this situation with offers of finance and technical assistance.

Yet more AFT debris has been located and recovered in the coreward system Discordia. 84 humans were rescued from the wreckage of a 200XLH carrier.

Observers have been puzzled by the removal of certain DOM markets and system claims. This has caused issues with system enemy lists and has been blamed for a DEN/GTT firing incident in the DHP.

Cluster News
FET assets in the Forest system have now been ceded to the FLZ who uniquelly find themselves supporting a FEL system claim.

The Caribbean system has started to see a military build up as forces gather at the wormhole to assist human forces within the inner empire combat the TCA. Until recently the inner empire was jealously guarded against alien incursions and only recently were the pacifist MOH allowed in. It is a sign of great change that now many alien warfleets have now been allowed access. The confederacy has been remarkably silent on this matter while DTR and Hive sources query the need for military action.


*** FET Press Release ***

Commencing stardate 214.3.2 the Tycoon Stargate will be open to all affiliations free of charge.

The orbiting platforms will be issued orders on 3.1 to clear all enemy lists barring Pirates.

Contrary to popular belief Norozov Holdings were not running an extortion racket, but were in fact as stated recovering the costs of the extensive research that was undertaken to ensure the gate remained open so that ships could transit without the need for keys.

Just as any good business would.

Those costs have now been recovered and as stated above from 3.2 all shipping bar pirates are free to transit the gate.

I would like to extend my personal thanks to the FEL who have been the major contributors to the costs. Without them the toll would have been in place for much longer.

I would also advise that although all affs are free to transit the gate Tycoon is still an Imperial system and Imperial law is still in force. So those who are unwelcome in IMP systems travel at their own risk.

I also request that the Imperial Viceroy change the system charter message that currently warns shipping of the toll.

Thank you.



***** Periphery Classifieds *****


*** Trade Opportunity For Inferior Meatsacks ***

The Empire of the Race will allow the lesser beings to sell Synthetic Greenhouse Gas (884) to FLZ Fessin Lijori (2875) in Solo from tomorrow at $2 each. You will note that FRE Tranquility Gate (19715) sells this item at $1.

The Empire of the Race will also sell Rare Earth Elements (22) at the Solo base for $1.5

These can be sold at FRE Tranquility Gate (19715) for $2.5 each


*** Bring Me Your Needy ***

Desperate? Doomed? Hopeless?

Homeless? Orphaned?

Left destitute after war? Chased off your land by Confederate nobles?

Rendered homeless by Meklan invaders?

Unwilling to use the RIP repatriation service?

Krell?

You need to visit Kang’s Cozy House Of Shelter And Comfort! Opening soon on Mobile Bay! For all your free food and drink needs! Guaranteed no brutal torture!


*** RIP Notice ***

Do you find yourself in possession of Meklan?
Is the moral quandary giving you sleepless nights?
Are your hands tied by your own faction's laws, religion or social convention?

Do you simply wish for the problem to go away?
You may even wish to set these 'poor souls' free from their alleged torment?

RIP offer to humanely dispose of standard Meklan for only $10* each and Advanced Meklan for $15* each.

Included in that price is a short ceremony for each person and a charitable donation of either:

1mu of Agricultural Implements,
or,
1mu of Civilian Weaponry,

to be given to a population of the departed's choice**.

*Arrangements that can be made so that none of your own laws are contravened may incur an extra charge.
**This offer excludes all IMP claimed systems, including those claimed by charter holders or others on behalf of the IMP. This will be represented in the present day, so covers systems that are claimed now and will be claimed in the future, rescinding on system claims that are lapsed or lost, restored if the system is re-claimed.


*** For Sale – Guaranteed One Dodgy Owner ***

Greetings,

I have come into possession of a spare Material Utilisation Crystalline principle.

It will be made available for sale on the Quick Snack public market tomorrow.

The price will be set at 600,000 stellars.

However,

I am willing to discuss private offers for the sale of the principle should anyone have an interesting offer to make.

Thank you.

Mona


***** OOC Message From The Editor *****


Happy new year everybody.

Hope you all had great holidays.

S.

Subspace Static - Star Date 214.03.5  [Recruit]



Subspace Static - Star Date 214.03.5

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Overlord ***

Again your beloved Overlord Kang appears before you in glorious resplendence on your high-tech two-D reading devices. Kang embraces the march of new technology, and SO SHOULD YOU!

Kang looks forward to the day he can interact with all of you personally through your real-time 3D full-sense enviro-body-suits. Forget smell-o-vision, FEEL-O-VISION IS THE NEWS BROADCASTING MEDIUM OF THE FUTURE!

Kang looks forward to bring you many many wonderful feels.

TIME FOR THE NEWS!

*** Glorious Flagritz Superior News ***

USN ships attacked an anti pirate patrol of Imperial ships. Outnumbered Four to one and outsized the ships not only held off the USN ships but forced them to run away.

It does seem most of the USN fleet was in the grip of total fear of the 5 FLZ 50 hulled normal hulled ships that they would not even fire their feeble pathetic non-FLZ missiles.

WE HEAP SCORN UPON LESSER RACES!


*** Pathetic Tycoon Stargate ***

The FET administered Tycoon Stargate is entering its second week of open operation, and Kang is bitterly disappointed to have not learnt of any ‘accidental’ destructions yet. Kang does not know what this so-called cartel is playing at.


*** Inferior Ulians Prove Inferiority Of Human-Built Ships ***

The USN are reporting the destruction of two Flagritz Minute-Man class Cruisers in the Persian system.

Kang warned you all about the dangers of deploying shoddily built meatsack vessels. Superior Flagritz built vessels would not have been destroyed.

An inferior spokesbeing for the inferior Ulian Defence force released the following inferior communique:

"We have received initial reports of an engagement in the Persian system, Halo periphery, between vessels of the Halo Flotilla of the Ulian Defence Force, and vessels of the Flagritz Empire navy. A force of some six Flagritz heavy cruisers, moved to engage an Ulian force of comprising seventeen vessels of mixed types. Initial reports show that the outcome of the engagement has been generally favourable to the Ulian side, damage ranging from very light to light, for the loss of two Flagritz normal-hulled heavy cruisers, and moderate-high damage to a third vessel. Further detail is still being received".

Asked for a comment on the engagement, our reporter received the following comment from a representative of the Ulian regime: "We have not yet begun to fight. No honestly, We wern't ready... that crap's the old stuff we had hanging around, we havn't even finished buiding the new crap yet... I'm sure the wives and families of the officers and crew will be greatly releived at the news - they were due to be executed if the ships came back without winning something. Our vessels can now try to run away again, their crew's heads held high".


*** Snivelling Anonymous Press Release ***

Indar is now clear of the self-styled Halo police force, the GCE, who made it their business to wantonly attack MRC ships there for no other crime than flying a flag the GCE don't like.

Anyone who want to be free of the menace of the GCE and other aggressors are encouraged to pay a fee of $1000 per week per outpost, or $5000 per week per starbase, and we will look after you there.

Payments to position #22649


*** Wretched Falconian Newsreel ***

The Caribbean system has been hectic with great military and trading activity in this former backwater. A Falconian freighter has been destoyed in one of the systems asteroid belts. There were no casualties and a system teleporter ensured a swift rescue. The 50XLH 'Tweetie-pie' was one of house magpies oldest trading vessels and was purchased from the CNF by brother Armand of the BHD.
Reports of a daring heist of Basic elements on Falconia are being investigated.


BASIC ELEMENTS?! KANG DEMANDS TO KNOW WHICH STUPID SACK OF MEAT ACTUALLY WANTS TO STEAL SOMETHING AS WORTHLESS AS BASIC ELEMENTS!


*** Inferior Planet Upgraded By Superior Species ***

Imperial FLZ Scientists have, after many years of work completed stage one of a ongoing project to expand the Empire.

A large 45*34 planet has been given atmosphere that will support advanced forms of life, the Empire will also seed lesser forms of life that will serve it as well. The next stage will be to warm the planet up then start to turn it green.

Warships of the Empire have this week been ordered on missions, fleets have moved out from both Solo and New Sussex.



*** Pitiful Dewiek Release Press Release Like Pirates Release Bowels ***

The following pirate

PIR SHIP Putrid Mind (66933) is boarding us:

attempted to board one of our peaceful traders today with 222 human marines, 35 veteran human marines, 136 warbot Mark IV's and 270 aquahoid marines (who were like a fish out of water hohohho)

Our trader defended itself valiantly and only had a only a small chance of being taken

Round 1: Battle is 19:6 in favour of Attacker
Defender lost 7.36% control [92.64%]
0.04% chance of losing control
Round 2: Battle is 16:5 in favour of Attacker
Defender lost 7.08% control [85.56%]
0.3% chance of losing control
Round 3: Battle is 27:8 in favour of Attacker
Defender lost 5.81% control [79.75%]
0.83% chance of losing control
Round 4: Battle is 7:2 in favour of Attacker
Defender lost 7.61% control [72.14%]
2.16% chance of losing control

Dewiek casaulties were

6 troops promoted to veteran.
Military Damage: 3 Dewiek Crew (521)
33 Dewiek Marines (522)
Boarders were defeated.

Pirate casualties can only be estimated but by round 3 they had lost

14 human marines, 9 warbot Mark IVs and 16 Aquaphoid marines so I would guess they lost around 18 marines, 12 warbots and 20 aquaphoids for an approximate total of 38 personnel and 12 machines.

May I raise a howl to the valiant defenders whose bravery defeated this force who could apply 2,212 damage a round. Our dead feast in Valhalla and our living will be feasting on the pirate dead. Plus any vegetarians have the added bonus of some fish to eat. BLAH BLAH YES YES DEWIEK THINK THEY ARE AWESOME! KANG TIRES OF THIS DEWIEK PRESS RELEASE AND INTERRUPTS FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN KANG ENJOYS THE SOUND OF HIS OWN VOICE!

Kang will now read to you selected extracts from his autobiography...


***** static *****

Subspace Static - Star Date 214.04.5  [Recruit]



Subspace Static - Star Date 214.04.5

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Overlord ***

Snivelling meatsacks of the Peripheries. Overlord Kang is disappointed with your wretched attempts at action this week, as Kang has encountered what we call in the trade, a slow news week. Kang has been literally reduced to eviscerating reporters in an attempt to fill column inches. Kang believes you will enjoy page three this week, as it is a spleen.

In order to fill space, Kang has been reduced to covering ‘meatsack entertainment’ stories, such as the ongoing race to see which worthless sack of meat will win a so-called ‘Oscar’ on the pathetic birth-place of humanity for achieving something that Kang considers to be of zero value.

Kang was so bored by this inane ritual that he virus-bombed the lot of them.

To celebrate this, Kang is instead introducing the first inaugural Golden Kang Awards!

Kang will open the awards to nominations, and then will even graciously allow you meatsacks to vote for your winners. Though Kang has two votes. THIS IS JUST THE WAY IT WORKS!

So with no further ado, the prestigious Golden Kang awards will be awarded in the following categories:


1) Most Memorable Event Of The Year.


2) Most Worthless Stupid Sack Of Meat In The Peripheries Award.


Why only two categories? Kang considers these Golden Kangs to hold value, unlike puny earth-thing awards where Kang swears you’d give each other awards for just not choking to death on your vomit today. YOU HAVE SET THE BAR LOW! SNIVELLING HUMANITY!

Kang sets the bar high.

And then Kang beats you to death with it.

HERE IS THE NEWS!



*** Mohache Are Offensive… Also Go On Offensive ***

Kang warned you all this day was coming, but oh no, nobody believed Kang. The Mohache are cuddly and innocent you said, they couldn’t possibly be gearing up to launch a massive series of attacks.

Well, Kang has learnt that the dread Mohache have launched a series of assaults against Dominion positions in the Enigma system.

… and promptly been smacked back down brutal-style by a combined DOM/DEN counter-attack.

Kang is puzzled by this action, and hopes it is simply a prelude to greater slaughter, as the Mohache follow some vile scheme to lure us all into a false sense of security.



*** Persian Skirmish ***

Forces of the Glorious Flagritz Empire continue to exchange fire with the Ulian Stellar Nation throughout the Persian system this week, with first one side then the other gaining the upper hand.

The USN released the following press release:

The Ulian Navy today announces the loss of the Solo-class heavy cruiser 'Pariah', which was destroyed in the Persian system while attempting to withdraw from the engagement of the last two days, and disintegrated after taking a comparatively light 28% hull damage.

A spokeskrell for Ulian naval forces stated: "The 'Pariah' was one of the newest vessels in Ulian service, only commissioned less than a month ago, and we are really really upset about it. The rest of the crews are still pretty up from the fact that they've actually come back alive... chanting six-nil, six nil and high-threeing each other and stuff, and I'm not going to spoil it for them. Although, being Krell, they're pretty emotionally shallow and probably wont give a flying f... Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I have to source about 10,000 repair patches from somewhere, and the Dominium sales guy wont stop ringing up offering to bankrupt us".


*** GCE On The Run ***

Privateer forces appear to have forced the GCE out of the Halo Periphery.

Kang suggests the GCE arm up with napalm soaked kittens and return for round two!


*** Detinus Republic Smash Stuff Up ***


Brutal Kitten Slaughtering Detinus raiders have been active in the Dorn system this week, attacking not one but two dirt-grubbing Inferior-Empire outposts:


> GTT Dorn Ast Mine J1 (854) - Outpost
> REDUCED TO RUBBLE!


> IMP Pi XCI-1-30 (95061) - Outpost
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 WAHOO (89336) - 18606 [21712] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 GRAYLING (5566) - 14779 [17549] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 MARENGO (11975) - 12625 [14779] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 MAGICIENNE (91765) - 18537 [21666] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 MILNE BAY (34640) - 19481 [22836] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 NEW BRITAIN (48165) - 12100 [13949] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 ARGONAUT (77575) - 7609 [8824] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 RUNNER (52575) - 16608 [19236] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 NEW GEORGIA (50338) - 15288 [17886] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 TRITON (76620) - 15266 [17774] Damage
> Targeted by DTR CL 28 PICKEREL (38408) - 18418 [21711] Damage


Kang rather suspects the first outpost was an uninhabited Hiport base. But signs are encouraging that many meatsacks were blown apart during the second attack.

Mmmmm. Kang enjoys this thought.


*** Insignificant Skirmish ***

A squadron of Detinus Meatpublic raiders has had a narrow encounter with an Empire patrol in the Dorn system.

Kang understands some long-distance fire was exchanged with some scratched paintwork resulting.


*** Anonymous Press Release #3 ***

The first GCE pimple on Indar has now been squeezed. Be reminded that 1k Stellars per week will keep your outpost protected from their ilk, and, 5k your starbase. GCE are adviced that while your old Confederate compatriots may no longer be in a position to bail you out, running like scared little chicken to hide behind your new-found Hexamon best buddies isn't going to help either. Your policing days are over. My day has just begun.

- Anon.Mous.


*** Anonymous Press Release #4 ***

We thank the Hexamon for their payment and consider operations at Indar complete with their new acquisition.

To the GCE, if you wish to avoid expansion of the conflict to other systems, publicly renounce your role as a holier-than-thou Halo Police force and remove exclusion zones against independent contractors in all orbits.

- Anon.Mous.


*** Overlord Piles Contempt On Anonymous Personages ***

You know what Kang is thinking.

STEP OUT FROM THE SHADOWS! WORTHLESS MEATCOWARD!


*** Kallisan ***

The Dewiek are apparently claiming the Kallisan system. Kang cares not.


*** Pirate ***

A pirate attack has been reported in the Corewards periphery, where an AFT vessel has been lost.


*** Superior Flagritz News ***

The Empire of the Race reports that after a number of years of hard work on a single planet is starting to pay off. Prosperity within the system has really been improved of late.

The Planet in the Dawn system now has the space and Infrastructure to support 50,000,000

An even bigger project has now reached stage two within another system. After years of work the Empire reports that the Atmosphere has been improved to allow open bases. The next stage will be to rise the planet temperature and melt some of the ice that on the planet.

Within the Core Empire systems the Empire can report that the Homeworld is now greatly improved and no food problems are being reported

A planet has now taken its first step to going from a barren landscape to a green world

Another barren system has fallen under the expanding Empire with yet another planet having its atmosphere changed.



*** Pirate ***

A GCE vessel has been lost to pirates in the Acropolis system.


*** Falconian Newsreel ***

Outer Capellan
Pirate large has captured a GCE vessel in the Acropolis jump quads under the very noses of a Falconian antipiracy squadron that was lurking in the same quad. Traders are reminded that ring 10 of Acropolis is an obvious area for pirate patrols and not a safe area to loiter. Concentrations of vessels in these quads had been noted in recent days and a pirate attack here was always very likely.
More AFT debris has been recovered from the orbit of Falconia. This time of a small 25NH Snowflake class vessel Sartre II.
Transpiral News
Debris of a large 200LH Redwood class freighter has been picked up from the wormhole orbit in Wimbledon. Wimble planetary authorities, such as they are, have shown poor judgement with regard to the assets of the wider Wimble Nation. 375 Mohache were recovered from the debris. This vessel the FNF Equity was likely the flagship of the Wimble merchant fleet and was very well equipped.
Cluster News
Preparations are nearing completion in setting up a new starbase in the Caribbean system. The grateful natives of the planet have expanded their market after sampling the variety of goods delivered to their planet. Elsewhere in the system terraforming has been accelerated of the other fertile planet which may be made available to colonise.
Exploration vessels have located a strange abandoned outpost on a newly discovered asteroid in the cluster. Investigations are underway.
Inner Empire News
Falconian Warflocks are now in their destination system.

Subspace Static - Star Date 214.05.5  [Recruit]



Subspace Static - Star Date 214.05.5

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** TCA Swatted Like The Insignificant Insects They Are? ***

Kang has learnt that a 700 strong warfleet has engaged the worthless TCA at the Gas Giant they’ve been loitering at in the Inner Empire of snivelling humanity.

Kang does not know for sure, but Kang suspects the TCA have just ceased to be a ‘threat’ and become more of an ‘expanding cloud of debris’.

Not that they were much of a threat to start with, the worthless alien meatsacks.

Update!

Kang has observed the following Falconian newsreel regarding this operation:

Inner Empire Newsflash
Falconian Warflocks took part in a combined action against the TCA creche site in Ross. Approximately 50 Falconian warships were part of a 700 ship armada targetting the TCA adult ships. Eight of the Nine TCA ships were destroyed and the remaining vessel the TCA LiQuan in at the Deep End (91239) has sustained very serious damage of over 70%. This ship was reported to be being shielded by another TCA vessel.
The battle saw the use of several thousand antimatter and nuclear devices by the GTT and the rapid deployment of heavy photon batteries in platforms by the DOM industrial machine.
The hapless TCA showed no sign of being able to adapt to this form of warfare and this must surely be a pivotal time for these ancient beings survival.
The Falconian flocks lost 3 ships and another was seriously damaged. We pay our respects to the lost vessels
KBN Tap Hog (79355), a 75HH captured BHD needle beam vessel
KMC Skin Model (91907), a falconian design 200NH carrier
MTB2 Barracuda (6253), a falconian crewed 50HH javelin torpedo cruiser
as well as to the other ships lost in this action. Rescue operations for stranded crew are anticipated soon.
Commuters traveling through the Ross system may expect to have increased journey times as the concentrations of energy release may have disrupted navigation through the local area of space.


*** Wimble Nation Rises From Ashes? ***

There may be a new Grandfather leading the Wimble nation.

There also may not.

This is the sort of cutting and incisive news reporting Kang knows you all love about the SSS. Worry not. Kang has executed the SSS resident Wimble correspondant with BRUTAL EFFICIENCY.


*** GCE Press Release As Interesting As Scraping Mud From Tentacles ***

Greetings to all,

I hereby announce that the GCE renounce any pretentions to policing the Halo periphery.

There will continue to be no GCE enforced exclusion zones in any orbit in Halo to any IND, FRE, PRV or MRC position, as is indeed currently the case.

As is currently the case, PIR positions, and any positions on the GCE posted list will be fired upon if encountered. The PRV position currently on the posted list will be removed.

PRV & MRC positions should not dock at GCE Aquarium without prior permission, as they will be boarded. No one should dock at any GCE outpost under any circumstances.

FRE and IND positions (and in fact all other affiliations other than PIR, PRV & MRC) remain welcome to dock at Aquarium to use the facilities and interact with civilian traders, as they have always been. We prefer the courtesy of advance notice, but it is not required.


*** Press Release Celebrating Death Of Pitiful Crew ***

It is with deep regret that I must announce yet MORE deaths. This time to Piratical SCUM who boarded and took my ship.
I only received the auto-notification from the ship's computer which stated that the three crew members were brutally overpowered and slaughtered like dogs. I can only imagine that they put up one HELL of a fight though.
A memorial service will be held in their honour.

Captain William Sharpe Snr - who is survived by his son Captain William Sharpe Jnr.
Comm's Officer - Steven Blake - Who was single and had no family.
Navigation Officer - Richard Willis - Who was married for 3 years but had no children.

They will be remembered. The ship was taken in the outer sectors of the Discordia System where it was forced to wait when the safety cut-outs kicked in.
The Pirates responsible will be marked and - if encountered again - will be made to pay.
The scum, for what it is worth were on board - PIR SHIP Sodden Wart (4259)

If you will forgive me, I have some calls to make to the families of the lost crew.


*** Pirate Attack ***

A worthless Dewiek freighter has fought off a sizeable attack by pirates in the Solo system, though they only brutally slaughtered a meagre 45 pirates.

45 is a good start, but Kang knows you can do better than this.


*** Superior Platform ***

The troubled orbit of Ahura Mazda in the Persian system has been secured by a glorious Flagritz platform this week:

FLZ PLATFORM PERSIAN DEFENDER (73668) - 734 Hulls [Active on: 5.3]

Kang hopes many slaves died to bring you this platform.




***** The Golden Kangs *****


Nominations are now closed for the Golden Kang awards, and voting has begun.

Go to the Nexus to register your vote, or contact Kang directly if you wish to vote in so-called ‘privacy’.

Your pitiful nominees are:

Most Memorable Event Of The Year.

1) The Boltzman Brain Event.
2) The Spectacular Collapse Of The Confederacy. x
3) The Near Collapse Of The Detinus Republic.
4) Kang becoming Editor. VOTE KANG! x
5) The Discovery Of The Corewards Arm. x
6) The Wearing of Blinders Effect the FLZ had on their erstwhile DEN allies.
7) The Taking Of Faery. x


2) Most Worthless Stupid Sack Of Meat In The Peripheries Award.

1) The still unknown meatsack who woke up the Boltzman Brain.
2) The Emperor Lysander for over-seeing the loss of the Cluster Periphery to the non-humans. x
3) The Baron LiQuan for returning at the head of a TCA invasion fleet. xx
4) The Detinus Senate for being the Detinus Senate. x
5) The Entire Mohache Race.
6) Mona Luvsitt - As she is a huge Kang fan and wants to meet him at the awards ceremony when she collects her trophy!
7) Michelle Diaz For Death By Shoe.


Kang promises a special reward for those nominees who come last in their respective catagories.



***** Scavenger Hunt Prizes *****


The following are the prizes for the 213 Scavenger Hunt. In view of the extended nature of the Hunt there has been a slight tweak in order to keep things interesting. At present there is good hope we will have three different contestants, so all three prizes are still on the table.

First Place Prize
$1,000,000 Cash

1st Runner-Up
Custom Built Advanced 200 Hull Ship

2nd Runner-Up
2,500mu of jacium


The following new options will be made available to the winner and the first runner-up:

The first place winner may at his discretion choose to receive two blueprints for 300-hull ships in lieu of the $1,000,000 cash payout.
The first runner-up may at his discretion choose to receive one blueprint for a 300-hull ship in lieu of the custom built 200-hull ship.


The second runner-up (aka the loser) is stuck with his jacium.

A variety of 300-hull makes and models are available, including normal and heavy crystal ships and normal and heavy organic ships. The exact nature of the blueprints will be negotiated with the winners after the end of the contest, with the first place winner getting first choice among the available options.

Finding a shipyard that can help you turn your blueprint into an actual ship will be left as an exercise for the winner. Note that a 300-hull blueprint can only be used to build one single ship before it is spent.

 
News
Is open for business...
 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Stellar Empire Re-United ***

Celebrations were held across the vast territories of the Stellar Empire as the two-halves represented by the governments of the Imperials and Caliphate determined to unite. This followed almost inevitably from the assassination of the Caliph, a crime that has gone mysteriously unresolved. The old Caliphate ministers were ‘retired’ and at first it seemed the Imperials had managed what had alluded them for decades.

However, just as orders to claim systems for the IMP went in some places, conflicting orders to claim for the CIA came from Laton. In other systems, it seems overwhelming civilian support lies with the defunct CAL government and there are a number of CIV and CAL bases that seem to have not heeded the CIA nor IMP orders. With all the Caliphate's armaments now in the CIA’s hand and no political leadership in the old government, it seems inevitable that the civilians will be dragged kicking and screaming into the future.

A muted and cautious response from the rest of the galaxy was only to be expected given the formation of a new unrivalled superpower. The chilling effect on public discourse as the Imperial war machine taps into the substantial, if stunted, economies of the former Caliphate will surely be felt for years to come. Does this mark the 'end of history' as we know it?

More on this story inside this issue of the SSS along with: * KAS v IMP/GTT v FLZ * DEN v MRC * FOCed by IMP * BHD v DEN * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Imperials Declare War Against Flagritz ***

A declaration of war came last week after an unsatisfactory reply to Imperial ultimatums that the FLZ accept resolution of the previous war. J. Jones issued the following proclamation, "We hope this reminder will prompt them to rethink the status they removed them selves from and come back to more peaceful co-existence.” Doublegood, Viceroy, doublegood!

More on this story inside this issue of the SSS along with: * Species Guide * FEL Barter With GIants * High Times &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Orion Spur Special Edition ***

Explorers of the galaxy rejoiced as knowledge of a new periphery became common knowledge, revealing charts to forty star systems. The Orion Spur is connected to the massive Coreward Arm with rumours that the locals of the Monument system at the heart of this new periphery may have been responsible for the collapse of the HarCorp civilisation.

We have in-depth analysis and information about the new periphery inside this special issue of the SSS.

Also inside this issue of the SSS: * Naplian Liberation Front Reality Show * FLZ v FEL * Mercs in Graydown * DOM Scare Stories * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Hoedown in Graydown ***

Wimbles in the Graydown system have come under repeated attacks by mercenaries. The Wimbles having already lost two outposts have had their ships come under attack by boarders. The Wimbles are pointing a hairy finger at the GTT whilst the DEN are itching to get their paws in.

Pleasantly rotund Wolf Lord Lyceum reported the destruction of one mercenary ship, a Corsair class explorer called "Eye of the Chosen" which had earlier dropped off ground forces flying the banner of "God Hates Wimbles.” Which God and why he or she hates Wimbles has yet to be revealed. We suspect its corporation-loving Mammon.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * Sargasso Update * Wakerians * Naplian Liberation Front * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Breaking News: Caliph Samuel Assassinated ***

The nominal head of the Caliphate, Samuel has been murdered in broad daylight at the starbase CAL Sidon in the Fortress system. The allegedly mad zealot was on his way to meet representatives of various civilian factions when a shadowy figure *cough*CIA agent*cough* shot him dead.

The CIA issued the following statement to the SSS with a customary nudge and a wink: "In these difficult times, as we come to terms with the loss of Samuel, we are taking things one day at a time.

"Samuel was not only our Caliph, but our leader during the Second Civil War which laid the foundations for the Confederacy after he left the Human Empire and settled in the Darkfold. It is truly a sad day and one that will be marked in history as one of many great leaders who were cut down in their prime.

"We will strive now to look to the future, whilst remembering our past”

Speculation is rife that this is the first step towards a unification of the two-halves of the Stellar Empire. Others are more hopeful this is a return to the Confederacy or the mark of greater separation with the Imperial bloc. Time will tell what nebulous motives the shadowy puppet-master Laton turned out to have had and which alien faction will be blamed for the Caliph’s murder.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * HEX / FET Invade Sargasso * Magnus v Nevets Fight! * Dewiek Black Hole Disaster * FLZ Correction * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** STOP PRESS: Felini Victory ***

In an unexpected development, the FEL have scored a decisive victory against the FLZ. Destroying or maiming some 20 Flagritz Baseships in the Onwards system.

What is more remarkable than the victory was there was no subsequent comment by Crazy Uncle Flagritz. We might need to have a lie down now.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * DEN and FEL * Valhalla Fighting Pits * RIP smacked * &etc


 
***** Christmas Special Edition *****

*** Ho Ho Ho ***

Welcome to the SSS Christmas Special Edition! We the Editors have put together a nostalgic pudding treat intended to delight and tickle even the scroogiest megacorp executive. So gather your cubs, squidlets and larvae for some silliness and song. Time to catch up with some classics from years gone by, raise your glasses and drink your gluttony and shame away!

Wishing you all a merry Christmas free from Krampus Jones's invading armies!

The Editors


 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Claws Out in Valhalla ***

In a bold rebuke of Crazy Uncle Flagritz’s attacks in the Avalon system, the cunning Felini Nevets ordered a hit on a FLZ outpost in the Valhalla system. Claiming miscommunication with his warships, the mischevious Avatar cocked a snook at the washed-out Dewiek warrior in charge of the system whilst claiming an important victory in the often one-sided conflict against the FLZ.

This isn’t the first time the foxy Feline has masked daring-do in the shroud of incompetence. It remains to be seen whether this turns out as disastrously as the time when the FEL had to pay the costs of a war started by Prince-turned-meklan LiQuan.

Meower-in-chief Chamiah apologised for the incident in a public address laced with snickering subtext and unconcealed laughter when she got to the bit about the unfortunate loss of “5 FLZ Warships in Onwards.”

A second incident in Valhalla was reported the next day with mardy Magnus complaining he wasn’t getting his claws in on the action. Could this be the pithy ploy that puts the cat on the mat?

Inside this issue of the SSS: * Merc-y Wimbles * Valhalla Fighting Pits Get Weird * Profile of Lyceum Amaguk * &etc


 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Nun on the Run ***

Alleged cosplayer Carmilla D’Morenta got the vicars in the Brotherhood all hot and bothered when she made a run for it. Possibly tired of being tied up by the reverends and denied the love that dare not howl its name. With a sizeable, almost unbelievable, bounty on her head, the barking sister took refuge with the Dewiek Elder Nation.

In possibly the shortest chase in history, the BHD managed to strike a blow for oppressed collars everywhere when they squared off with the naughty doggy-wannabe at the Valhalla stargate. The cheeky chaplains blew their hyperdrive at close range and both the BHD and DEN flagged ships were reported to be lost in space.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * DEN Ban BHD * Ulian * FLZ in Avalon * Valhalla Fighting Pits * Interview with Carmilla * And more


 

Copyright | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use