Phoenix Nexus News Sub Space Static: Volume 3. Issue 22.
Sub Space Static: Volume 3. Issue 22.

***** Inter Galactic News *****

.What is It?
..a wOrmhOle?.
…No.. worse..
….the KANG singularity!…
…..It pulls us IN…..
……lOOks sO familiar……
…….yet so strange…….
……..what is……..

*** Flagritz Liberalise Economy ***

In good news for all the galaxy the Flagritzi have vowed to liberate all slaves across their Empire. Furthermore, the hectapods have given up eating other sentient species; taking up a strict diet of veganism and soy chai lattes. Sales of turtle neck sweaters and Forbidden Fruit laptops have skyrocketed.

The news was cautiously welcomed by the benevolent Felini Tyranny who looked forward to reducing the War phase of their daily Nap-Lick-Nap-War-Nap-Eat-Sleep cycle to a perfunctory forty winks.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * Baron Womble * A Short History of the DPP * &etc

*** Baron Womble ***

Former hive-human hybrid Senator Yahn the Man now goes by the Great Banana of Wimbledon, offering a final solution to the Wimble problem in a chilling public communication that will be remembered for at least the time between breakfast and elevensies:

"Greetings fellow galactic citizens. Many of you will undoubtedly already know me either as CEO of Wodenzoon Industries, Party Leader of the DPP, in all its flavours, friend to some, although i'm sure there are a few less faltering remarks that some might know me by as well.

"But seriously, i've been working very hard to save the Wimble Nation since it became apparent that they were leaderless. I had had friendly relations with zz and his uncle's brother, and he had spoken highly of me to the Wimble Elder Council despite the fact that our efforts to help them had not been successful at that time. When i initially approached the Elders to find a solution, they were intrigued and gave me the time to work something out. This would not have been possible without the dedicated work of the FRE-DPP co-workers and i thank them for their tireless efforts. I have been in contact with numerous of your affiliations throughout this process and i would like to thank all of you who have offered support and friendship. It is heartening to see the Wimbles have so many friends. I will soon find out that the actual state of the WMB nation is, so i will likely be in contact about that assistance you offered. To those who have pledged non interference and non aggression, thank you, you are a shining example that we can co-exist despite our differences. The galaxy is large enough for that.

"You see, the Wimble Elder Council has just appointed me Baron Wimbledon for my efforts. The barony itself is the starbase !Solitude!, and as the Baron, i will be responsible for diplomacy and external affairs for the WMB nation. I am extremely honoured by this, and thank the Wimble Elders for their confidence in me. I am a man of many hats, but this hat i will wear with special pride. It shows just what a private citizen can achieve in this galaxy of ours with some effort and ingenuity. What the FRE-DPP hopes to represent in our galaxy is a new wave of inter-affiliation and inter-racial understanding, cooperation, and solidarity or at worst peaceful co-existence, through dialogue and peaceful resolution. We are all aliens, after all.

"The exact details of how we are setting up a provisional government for the Wimble Nation are still being worked out, but we hope to have access to WMB assets as soon as next week. I wonder what awaits us there. It may be some time before we can get it all up and running. As for !Solitude!, it is now in my care. I have only had just the barest of glimpses of the manifest, so if you have business here please contact me first!”

That was a lot of words. Please take your time to digest that. But if you need it bottom-lined: A lot of Wimbles are going to die.

News which was welcome by both the Hexamon "Wimble liquorice please” Mind and especially by the Dominion’s Henry “If you think this will stop my invasion you’re having a larff” Cromwell.

Meanwhile, Krell puppeteer Namica sniggered gleefully whilst licking what looked suspiciously like a Falconian egg.

*** The Short History of the DPP ***

In soviet Detinus Republic, party joins you! Read, learn, embed into your forever-concsiousness the Great Leader's words!

Great Leader Yahn the Great Banana on the DPP itself:

"The DPP first sprang up as a political party in the DTR, it was founded at the height of the Falconian Crisis of a few months ago and was born out of a peaceful protest movement. It soon became clear that the DPP's objectives with regards to inter-affiliation relations diverged wildly from that of the DTR government. It was at this point that the FRE-DPP was set up to help spread the message of the DPP philosophy and to be able to act mo re freely. Over time, the emphasis has been shifting away from the DTR component, and towards the FRE component.

"Throughout the DPP's short history, we have always been a friend to the Wimbles. When zz contacted the DTR for assistance, we were his most vocal supporters. We managed to rally some support among the more progressive independent Senators, but we were still a minority voice and our efforts were in vain. When zz, and his brother's uncle, disappeared suddenly, we approached the Wimble Elder Council to offer our assistance. As there are no wimble native citizens who have stepped forth to form a new government, the DPP has been charged with the formation of a transitional government. The WMB-DPP: Coordinator of the Wimble Nation has been set up for this purpose."

Great Leader Yahn the Great Banana on Himself:

"Everything i have done so far, i have done as a private citizen. While a DTR citizen, i have abided by DTR law and have enjoyed great Constitutional freedoms and rights to pursue and develop the political movement of the DPP. Just because one has rights and freedoms, though, does not mean it is always the correct course of action to pursue them. It is unfortunate timing, but a powerful conservative faction within the Republic voiced serious concerns to our plan to save the Wimbles under the leadership of a private DTR citizen. I was going to say 'last minute concerns', but in actual fact their concerns were really a few minutes 'too late'. Still, their concerns were reasonable and valid. I saw no real alternative but to give up my DTR nationality voluntarily.

"This, of course, also means that i have had to relinquish my leadership role of the DTR-DPP. I hope a DTR citizen will step forth to head up the party, but privately, i fear for it's continued existence. The DPP has always had a less than warm reception among the masses of the Republic, and has been actively resisted by some very powerful entrenched interests. I am happy, though, that we have been able to mobilise a very significant minority within the time we have been active, and that we have been instrumental in some positive change.”

Great Leader Yahn the Great Banana on the Wimble Crisis Of His Imagination:

"As i already mentioned, the WMB-DPP is coordinating a transitional government for the WMB. The Wimble Elder Council has named me personally Baron Wimbledon. I am responsible for diplomatic relations for the WMB and the running of the !Solitude! barony. We have been in continued negotiations with the Wimble Elders. The amendments of the elders are being used to reformulate our initial proposal, and the finished draft of our agreement will be made public upon finalisation."

***** Periphery Classifieds *****

*** A Kastorian By Any Other Name Smells ***

Mzee Kaddu, CEO of Kaddu Enterprises, asks an existential question: "What is the value of Kastorian Administrator?"

The Yank system has gone into a quiet mode of deep introspection as the Kastorians ponder this question and its impact on their entire social structure.

Turns out though, Mzee just wants to offload the fat toad off his ship before he's made bankrupt by the grey suit's ever eccentric demands.

*** Affiliation Status and Contacts ***

AFT Association of Free Traders (54) - Marion Tweedy
BHD Brotherhood (63) - Saul D
CIA Combined Intelligence Agency (64) - Laton CIA
DTR Detinus Republic (58) - Morley Decker
DEN Dewiek Elder Nation (67) - Aadolf
DOM Dominion (57) - bcd
FCN Falconian Republic (70) - Convocation of Eagles
FEL Felini Tyranny (49) - Mrrshan
FLZ Flagritz Empire (47) - Kayxaer
FET Frontier Exploration & Trade (56) - Cu Chulainn
GTT Galactic Trade & Transport (52) - Ike
GCE Garcia Enterprises (4) - Neil
HEX Hexamon (23) - Ando
IMP Imperial Services (51) - Jack Jones
KRL Krell (30) - Namica
MOH Mohache (73) - Listens
NLF Naplian Liberation Front (38) - NLFHQ
RRH Roy Robert Holdings (39) - Roy Roberts
SMS Stellar Mining and Smelting (53) - MikhailM
SKW The Star Kingdom of Wakeria (85) - Rimsin Dshen
USN Ulian Stellar Nation (34) - Oedipus Prime
WMB Wimble Nations (25) - Yahn Wodenzoon

Deceased: CAL, MIC, KRT, KST

*** Wanted: SSS Columnists ***

We’re looking for columnists to help the Editors with regular columns along particular themes, for example, tips for newbies or traders. If you’re interested please get in touch..

*** Submission and Anonymous Tips ***

Anonymous messages can be sent to our offices @ SSS Inter Galactic News HQ (39952).

Or you can submit stories in the usual way via Nexus.