Phoenix Nexus News Sub Space Static: Volume 3. Issue 5.
Sub Space Static: Volume 3. Issue 5.

***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** STOP PRESS: Felini Victory ***

In an unexpected development, the FEL have scored a decisive victory against the FLZ. Destroying or maiming some 20 Flagritz Baseships in the Onwards system.

What is more remarkable than the victory was there was no subsequent comment by Crazy Uncle Flagritz. We might need to have a lie down now.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * DEN and FEL * Valhalla Fighting Pits * RIP smacked * &etc

*** Dewiek and Felini: A Love Story ***

Once upon a time, the Felini controlled the vital gate system of Valhalla, then called Twinkle. The covetous Dewiek were not content to let this be once they stopped being the IMP’s poodles. Whilst taking the system, they left the job incomplete with the FEL holding on to their starbase, Highstar. Perhaps the Dewiek were distracted by chasing the sticks thrown by the GTT and their IMPerial minions. In any case, the wily Felini seemed to have escaped their expected annihilation and managed to hold on to their Cluster assets more or less intact.

Skip forward a few years to what appears to be a routine brawl between FEL and FLZ, and the DEN took the opportunity to take another bite. Boxed around the ears in a number of one-sided battles, the FEL lost fifteen capital class ships, one heavy cruiser, six freighters and one outpost to the DEN’s loss of nothing except any lingering sense of shame.

At which point, mangy mutt Magnus decided not to waste time taking Highstar through a ground assault and instead offered to settle the business in the fighting pits. As the penny dropped, Avatar Nevets boldly stepped forward. Some weeks later, he is still boldly stepping forward and is expected in the arena at some point. Probably.

*** RIP and blow ***

Fatty fatty wolfman Lyceum has scored a kill in the Coptuv system, destroying the RIP destroyer "Theft By Finding”. We are suitably impressed.

*** Festive Highlord ***

Prankster, singularly sexy Aadolf drunk dialled the FEL high command at the end of the festive season. Sources close to the Felini tell us it was a raucous blue rant about an attack in Dewiek space that turned out not to have happened. Sobering up the next day, the munchable muffin High Lord apologised for his behaviour but made no promises not to do it again very soon. Perks of the job.

*** Valhalla Fighting Pits ***

Somewhat overshadowed by events beyond the planet, the Fighting Pits of Glasir continued to entertain the locals. In between displays of flashing photons in the atmosphere courtesy of DEN platforms pummelling FEL bases.

On the sixth day of fighting, FET Midnight Cowboys faced the ragtag, ill-trained but enthusiastic Dewiek Howlers. The leather-clad Cowboys chewed off the Dewiek in small numbers across the pits until their superior organisation and battle hardiness won the day. The Howlers were all butchered as the numbers tipped in the Cowboy’s favour.

A victory for the FEL and FET in one issue? We must've entered a parallel dimension!

***** Periphery Classifieds *****

*** TOAD Investments ***

Dude, I had this amazing idea whilst tweaking on that chong. What if we like… offer bonds to people, right? Like they give us cash and we… erm… offer them money back later. Win-win. Its foolproof.

Disclaimer: Your investment may go down as well as up. Bummer.

Contact TOAD if you'd like to party.

*** No Istanbul ***

Bluesman Roy of the Roberts sings about the gals of Constantinople in new performance if the guvnor would allow it.

Also if you want goods moved, give Roy Roberts a ding-a-ling.

*** Bast Gardens in the Galaxy ***

Would the Avatar of the Garden of Karnak please give your old Pahl a twinkle?

*** Submission and Anonymous Tips ***

Anonymous messages can be sent to our offices @ SSS Inter Galactic News HQ (39952).

Or you can submit stories in the usual way via Nexus.