Phoenix Nexus News Sub Space Static: Volume 3. Issue 26.
Sub Space Static: Volume 3. Issue 26.

***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Wimbles Crisis Solved ***

The Wimble Crisis of 217 has come to an end with the human Baron making way to the wimble Grandfather Paden Mastaak. Celebrations were held in Wimbledon upon the news with crack teams of Wimble security staff guarding all the pies.

It’s unclear how long the Wimbles will enjoy this new era of peace and self-determination.

Vocal Wimble Dinasha, one of Paden’s early backers, has chosen this precarious moment to bait Dewiek, Flagritz and humans who were initially disposed to be friendly to the new administration. Whilst the Wimbles' history with the former-slave-loving Flagritz could be understood, their animosity towards the Dewiek and humans was more mysterious. One insider alluded to a rise in the number of cases of foot-and-mouth across the herd as being a likely cause.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * Storm in a Teacup *** Yahn Bares All * &etc

*** Storm in a Teacup ***

The Krell have banned some humans from their home system of Storm. Observers were quick to commend them on the bravery of inviting destruction upon their own heads. It is a well-known fact in the galaxy that humans don’t like being told what they can or cannot do.

*** Another Yahn-tastic Interview ***

"Greetings Editor,

Yahn Wodenzoon of the FRE-DPP would like to offer you an exclusive interview. We believe your recent article 'Wimble Civil Strife' contains numerous errors and false accusations that need to be rectified. If you have any specific questions with regards to this, please let us know and we will be happy to answer them. Here follows the opinion of Yahn Wodenzoon, party leader of the FRE-DPP:”

Oh great. Where did we put that morphine?


Trouble is brewing amongst disaffected Wimbles recently under the heavy-oratory of self-proclaimed Baron Womble aka Yahn the Messiah

"This is quite a distortion, as there is only a small but vocal minority amongst the wimbles who are disaffected. They are a minor annoyance, and at this point they have not been able to create troubles for the WMB. We have advised the new Wimble government of our suspicions and concerns, and urged them to take the issue seriously. During the time of the FRE-DPP transitional government, this disaffected faction has not been able to do much more than throw the temper tantrum of a spoiled child. I will admit the 'heavy oratory' remark seems fitting."

Uh huh, yeah, yeah go on.

"As for the title of Baron, it was bestowed on me by the Wimble Elder Council. The same council before whom i will be resigning as Baron tomorrow morning, seeing as the FRE-DPP Wimble Solution has been a resounding success. I would never proclaim that i am the 'Messiah' of the wimbles, but the fact remains that my actions have indeed saved the wimbles.”


aka Yahn of the Free Detinus Republic aka Just Another Puppet of Lady Sylvansight.

"Whoever wrote this has not been paying attention, i can assure you that. It is precisely Lady Sylvansight's conservative political faction that forced me to renounce my Republican citizenship, and that prevents me from applying for it again. I will admit that she did try to play her political games with me, but she will never be able to make a puppet of me. I am in no way associated with the DTR."

You don't say.

"The bulk of the article seems to be just that, DTR bashing. I, myself, have been highly critical of the DTR in the past, and it is certainly not my place to defend them. I don't have any problems with them presently, though, so i'm not going to bad mouth them either. Everyone will just have to make up their own mind how they feel about them.”

You really like the sound of your own voice don't you?

The Wimble Nation seeks to take control of its own future, throw off the aliens and be allowed to travel freely in our own peripheries. Lets see if it is too much to ask.

"No, this is not too much to ask. In fact, it is what the FRE-DPP has been working for since the beginning. Well, except for the 'throw off the aliens' part. What are these radicals suggesting? Do they want to get rid of the Krell, who contribute handsomely to the economy of Khoros Major and the Wimble Nation? Yes, i realise, i'm the alien the author would like to throw off. If he had just read the documents i have made public, and discussed things with those involved, he would have known the DPP was offering a temporary solution. Maybe he is illiterate? I don't really know. Sometimes i fear worse motivations for all this. Still, tomorrow i will be handing over the last of the control of the WMB government to Paden before the Wimble Elder Council, and i do so of my own volition and it is in accord with what i have stated from the beginning that i would do. I am confident Paden will offer good governance for his people.”

What? Oh. You're still talking.

It also remains to be seen if anyone will help the Wimbles gain their independence…

"Ironic as it may seem to some, it is precisely i and the DPP that have been the ones helping the WMB retain its independence and its return to civilian government."

Have mercy and just shoot us already.

***** Periphery Classifieds *****

*** Roy Whistles For New Friends ***

The magnificent Roberts clan leader has a business opportunity for interested parties:

"Due to a some interference by forces unknown my normal customer is at present inaccessible.

"Is there another buyer interested in throwing a party with Hooch.

"I have 4 8000mu lots will deliver if I can get their."

*** Who wants to eat all the pies? ***

The Wolf Lord Einar Magnusson is looking to sample some savoury treats:

"My father invested well in ale stocks but we Dewiek are a thirsty lot.

"And now, recent events have given me a real hankering for pies.

"Work on your ale and pie production.

"And bring it to me and mine for good profit."

*** Affiliation Status and Contacts ***

AFT Association of Free Traders (54) - Marion Tweedy
BHD Brotherhood (63) - Saul D
CIA Combined Intelligence Agency (64) - Laton CIA
DTR Detinus Republic (58) - Morley Decker
DEN Dewiek Elder Nation (67) - Aadolf
DOM Dominion (57) - bcd
FCN Falconian Republic (70) - Convocation of Eagles
FEL Felini Tyranny (49) - Mrrshan
FLZ Flagritz Empire (47) - Kayxaer
FET Frontier Exploration & Trade (56) - Cu Chulainn
GTT Galactic Trade & Transport (52) - Ike
GCE Garcia Enterprises (4) - Neil
HEX Hexamon (23) - Ando
IMP Imperial Services (51) - Jack Jones
KRL Krell (30) - Namica
MOH Mohache (73) - Listens
NLF Naplian Liberation Front (38) - NLFHQ
RRH Roy Robert Holdings (39) - Roy Roberts
SMS Stellar Mining and Smelting (53) - MikhailM
SKW The Star Kingdom of Wakeria (85) - Telvin G’ren
USN Ulian Stellar Nation (34) - Oedipus Prime
WMB Wimble Nations (25) - Yahn Wodenzoon (?) / Dinasha (?)

Deceased: CAL, MIC, KRT, KST

*** Submission and Anonymous Tips ***

Anonymous messages can be sent to our offices @ SSS Inter Galactic News HQ (39952).

Or you can submit stories in the usual way via Nexus.