***** Inter Galactic News *****
*** Imperials Declare War Against Flagritz ***
A declaration of war came last week after an unsatisfactory reply to Imperial ultimatums that the FLZ accept resolution of the previous war. J. Jones issued the following proclamation, "We hope this reminder will prompt them to rethink the status they removed them selves from and come back to more peaceful co-existence.” Doublegood, Viceroy, doublegood!
More on this story inside this issue of the SSS along with: * Species Guide * FEL Barter With GIants * High Times &etc
*** When Two Empires Go To War ***
In the opening salvos of the new conflict, the GTT attacked a FLZ trade delegation in the civilian ‘controlled' Coptuv system. Eye-witnesses reported that "thems calimari theys be whupped on.” Initial Flagritz casaulties are estimated at 28 ships, only two of which were combat capable.
Public communication channels were filled with lamentations at the duplicity and hypocrisy of the GTT by emotional Flagritz translators. In reply, the GTT accused the FLZ of having the audacity of destroying one of their spy ships as it tried to transit a wormhole in the Nexus system.
*** Aliens Divided ***
It is an open question whether Hexamon and Dewiek forces will also be brought into the conflict. A Dewiek commentator who wished to remain anonymous intimated that at least those who fought in the last war were eager to come to the aid of the Flagritz if and when needed.
Yet speaking on record, High Lord of the Sexpocalypse, Aadolf, sounded more ambivalent, telling the SSS: "The IMP/GTT can't threaten major FLZ bases unless they invade Twilight, Cluster or the FLZ home systems. This appears to me as the humans say 'hand bags at dawn’.” Masterful burn.
*** More Claw-ful News for Flagritz ***
On the Cluster front, Felini forces have recaptured the outposts Bartertown and Yak from the FLZ in the Avalon system, pitting Hive and Naplians under Felini command against Human soldiers working for the Flagritz.
A confident Felini high command, having brought their GTT friends into the conflict, pushed forward their advantage into the Giant system capturing the outposts Crete and Mining-Station GT-Bravo.
*** High Times ***
As your reporter enters, TOAD stops playing a dice game under the wing of the starship SEARCHER in the starport. “Greetings!" he splutters out with a deep toke of his pipe, "I have much to show you!” He waves his fingers at us and his eyes seem to be tracing their movement. He continues, "The bond sale was quite a success.” He stares into space hypnotically for about five minutes.
Finally, he rumbles, "Governor Hansen will show you around... I'm not allowed in the new Hospital wing, due to the staff call me a walking plague.” He shrugs and gestures at an upside-down mop on which someone has taped the shape of a mouth and crosses for eyes. Waiting for your reporter to move towards the mop-figure, TOAD continues. "What, I take a bath once a month!”
TOAD gives a broad, unnerving smile exposing his rotting yellow teeth before whispering conspiratorially, "The new wing to the hospital was supported by wink wink” He actually says wink, wink.
Your correspondent is startled when a speaker attached to the mop echoes the words TOAD speaks, “I am Governor Hansen and I would like to give a tour of the new hospital wing.” TOAD has changed his voice to a higher pitch and lifts the mop-figure to guide us through the dishevelled ruins called the “hospital wing”.
We stop for a time whilst TOAD eats something that looks like a raw, half-skinned rat. After which he puts the mop-figure down and gives a greeting as if we have been parted for some time. He offers the half-chewed rat carcass with a pleading smile, "Want a taste? Its our new fast food product for our food carts. GTT… Gluttonous The Tack... will have a harder time nuking our fast food carts."
As we leave TOAD, he leans against the starship SEARCH (the letters E and R have fallen on the ground). He tells us it is ready to jump into the "Orion system". He makes various whooshing noises and seems content to watch his hands move through the air again.
*** The Dewiek Cub Alien Spotting Guide to the Peripheries ***
I have recently been lucky enough to find myself part of the crew on a starship travelling the galaxy. If you ever find yourself in a similar position this handy guide may help you to identify some of the many alien species you can find in the Peripheries.
Aquaphid - Not a lot is known about the Aquaphid who have become something close to an urban myth in recent memory. They are, apparently, a water dwelling people, probably originating in the Harlequin system. Possibly amphibian, possibly Humanoid*.
Architects (& “TCA”) - You have probably heard of these in your bedtime stories and history lessons. They are, to the best of our knowledge, very large, sentient spaceships. If you spot any very large spaceships it’s generally good advice to move away and inform your Elder immediately.
Dewiek - Obviously, I don’t need to describe Dewiek to you but just be aware that other species will refer to us as “aliens” so try not to take offence. One interesting thing I have learned is that Humans of all cultures seem to share ancient legends of half-Human, half-Wolf “monsters” they called “Werewolves” that bear a striking resemblance to Dewiek. Some scholars have speculated that Dewiek space explorers could have visited Earth (the Human homeworld) during their early history, spawning these stories. Again, try not to take offence at any comments relating to this.
Falconians - Large winged Humanoids who lay eggs - raw Falconian eggs are said to make an excellent hangover cure.
Felini - Although it may feel a little distasteful at first, Felini are probably the closest species to Dewiek when compared to the others. Whereas we ascended from “wolf-like” ancestors, the Felini are decidedly more “cat-like”.
Flagritz - The Flagritz are generally regarded as the most “alien” of all the species, both physically and mentally (except by other Flagritz of course, or at least one would assume so). Their tentacled bodies have earned them the common, albeit somewhat derogatory, nickname of “squids”.
Hive - Large insectoid beings. Close runner-up to “most alien alien”.
Humans - Smaller, weaker, balder Dewiek with no claws and stunted senses. Probably the most psychologically and culturally diverse species.
Ialandians - Like the Aquaphids little seems to be known about this Humanoid species found in the Transpiral Periphery. Most stories suggest that they are fierce fighters of a predatory, cannibalistic nature.
Kastorians - Short, stocky, Humanoids with big guns and a bad attitude. Seem to have assimilated a lot of Human culture.
Krell - Low tech, obsidian coloured “rat-like” Humanoids. Most other species see them as suicidal and insane.
Meklan - Meklan are, technically, tiny nanites used to infect and dominate a host species to serve as warrior slaves. If you are ever confronted by Meklan - and I pray to the ancestors that you are not - it will be the Meklanised host species (any species) that you will encounter. Many species’ cultures have myths and horror stories of “zombies” or similar - mindless, brain eating hordes who infect everyone they touch - it is speculated that these stories may have originated from tales of Meklanised armies, possibly from those same early Dewiek explorers.
Mohache - Largely Humanoid but with reversed knee joints, three toed feet and a forward-hunched appearance. The Mohache are also noted for their long arms and mane running down their back. The best indicator of societal status within the species is the size of their bellies - the larger the belly, the more prosperous and happier the Mohache.
Naplians - While the name derives from the small Humanoid natives of the planet Utopia in the Capellan System (the local name for the planet being “Naplia”) Naplians are difficult to categorise as a species. Unlike most species they do not necessarily share specific physical characteristics. “Naplian” seems to be more descriptive of a certain kind of culture applied to natives of a world who adapt to colonisation by a more technological species.
Sentients - A catch-all term used to categorise a diverse mix of local, native species of varied physical form.
Wakerians - Closely related to Krell, their main physical difference being short, webbed wings along their upper limbs.
Wimbles - Wimbles are furry and round farmers. If they are not eating they are most likely sleeping off their last meal. With any luck you managed to get yourself an invitation although you may want to bring your own meat.
* For some reason the term “Humanoid” has become the standard reference to any species that shares the same basic anatomical shape as Dewiek - two arms, two legs, torso, head with two eyes, etc.. Other frames of reference in this guide may also be primarily Human-centric for ease of cross-species understanding.
***** Periphery Classifieds *****
*** Hard Rock ***
The sly old Krell Warlord Namica is looking for a batch of Reinforced Structural Modules. And common ores if you have them in Yank. Must be time for another round of nuclear war soon.
*** Scurvy Roberts' Old Fashioned Peculiars ***
Roy of the Roberts clan of independent traders is selling trade goods from the planet Annaler in the Galleon system at very reasonable prices. He’s also looking to buy if you’re looking to sell.
*** Wanted: SSS Columnists ***
We’re looking for columnists to help the Editors with regular columns along particular themes, for example tips for newbies or traders. If you’re interested please get in touch..
*** Submission and Anonymous Tips ***
Anonymous messages can be sent to our offices @ SSS Inter Galactic News HQ (39952).
Or you can submit stories in the usual way via Nexus.