***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

Greetings, puny flesh-things of the Peripheries. Your beloved Overlord Kang trusts that your sacks of flesh are ripe and ready to burst and freeze in the merciless cold of interstellar vacuum.

Returning from an unexpected illness, Kang is forced to pause and reflect upon your mortality, and question why so many of you worthless meatsacks have still not leapt into a torpedo tube and had yourselves launched into an asteroid at point blank range. Or as Kang likes to call it ‘Dropping the kids off at the mine’.

Prepare your disgusting fleshy auditory sensors for what can only be described as out of date news! As Kang runs a series of catch-up editions of the galaxies favourite journal of bile and hatred.

Any complaints, and Kang politely invites you to step inside his patented ‘Complaints Tube’. Kang assures you. It is perfectly safe in there. Please ignore the stains.

OLD NEWS TIME!


*** Surging Tide Of Stinking Humanity Expands Like Wave Of Fetid Garbage ***

Two more systems have been claimed by the EMP:

Press Release From the office of the Viceroy............

Besnar system

The Besnar system is now under control of the IMP and restrictions are now in place in regards to this system.

Fenteb System

The Fenteb system is now under control of the IMP and restrictions are now in place in regards to this system.

It is understood ground troops at both the GTT and IMP installations are celebrating the systems handover.

Peace holding in the region

It is understood the various parties of Aliens and Humans are now gearing up towards peaceful settlements.

Talks remain underway with the GTT and DEN who seem to have the most issues with each other and these appear to be concluding.

No further news to report at this stage.



*** Outpost Sell-off Prompts Speculation ***

The superior Flagritz Empire has been selling a number of luxury mining outposts recently, prompting speculation of ‘downsizing’ or ‘financial difficulties’. Kang understands neither of these are the case, as the Flagritz simply like to sell some mines sometimes to the lesser races, so that they can see first hand how much superior the Flagritz mining experience is for the lowly meatsacks who are honoured to slave away in such facilities.

So to speak.


*** Krell Go Splat ***

The Krell are mourning the death of Drake Blackmoon, CEO of Blackmoon Company, Governor of Krellian Market and Captain of Twin Daughters.
He and his crew, was all killed by an asteroid, hitting the command section of the ship.

… snerk.


*** Hirathamo ***

The disclosure of FLZ outposts for sale in the Hirathamo system has prompted notice from the puny Empire of humanity that the FLZ had no right to establish outposts in their space, and anybody purchasing them would be in violation of tedious human laws.

Cue blah-blah you-owe-us-rent sabre-rattling shenanigans.

LESS TALK! MORE KILLING!

Maybe the killing has started between this OLD NEWS and the NEW NEWS Kang is yet to catch up on though? Dare Kang dream that humans are once again being strangled by Flagritz tentacles? Let us all join pseudopods and hope for a moment.


*** Rash Of Capitalists ***

Kang has received reports of multiple outbreaks of Capitalists across the Peripheries, which appear to be spreading like the virulent Falconian Purple Plague. The vector of transmission is not yet clear, but urgent medical advice suggests annihilating all Capitalists as soon as they are detected, so that they cannot spread and infect anybody else.

You see, this is what happens when puny humans take over the galaxy. Next it will be outbreaks of accountants and health and safety officials.


*** Mohache Returns ***

The enigmatic Mohache, Smokes In Mountains, has announced his/her/its return to the political theatre with the following mysterious message:

The best way to carve
wood is extremely slowly,
whittle by whittle.

Kang welcomes back this Mohache meatsack.

Tasty Mohache
Almost as good as Wimble
Filling Kangs Belly.


*** Platform Control ***

Long distance communications experts are growing concerned by the trend of platforms being controlled by starbases located sometimes in entirely different peripheries. It is said to be putting an increasingly vast load on the EEM’s Sub-Space Communications network, with all of the data flow being pulsed back and forth through their systems.

The costs involved have prompted the EEM to start considering a transaction tax of 5%, to be levied as a percentage against all stellar transactions throughout the Peripheries.

Accountants everywhere are said to be ‘thrilled’ at the prospect.

Kang finds he does not need stellers, as all of Kang’s workforce are happy to donate their time and organs of their own free will.


*** GTT Press Release Thrills Audiences And Garners Affleck-esque Praise ***

As you can see by the Imperial Viceroy's posts concerning the Besnar System (329), certain restrictions are now in place. The Imperial Viceroy, acting for Emperor Lysander, has granted the GTT exclusive rights to this system. As the Baron of Mazas in the Besnar System, I have been empowered to negotiate and decide upon any exemptions to the following restrictions:

GPI Scans and Exploration are prohibited in the Besnar System without the expressed permission of the GTT.
Establishing outposts and/or star bases in the Besnar System is prohibited without the expressed permission of the GTT.
Mining and/or exploitation of any resource in the Besnar System is prohibited without the expressed permission of the GTT. This includes the use of ship-based bays.
Flags of Convenience are prohibited in the Besnar System without the expressed permission of the GTT. To be specific, MRC, PRV, IND and FRE are not permitted at this time. The ban on IND and FRE may be lifted at a later date. Note: Some or all of the FOCs listed will be actively targeted in the Besnar System.
PIR will be actively targeted in the Besnar System.
Any outpost and/or star base that is established in the Besnar System must register and claim the system for the Imperials (IMP).

These restrictions are in line with what many affiliations impose on systems where they have spent a lot of time, effort and resources developing. I fully intend to establish a market at GTT Landereien on Mazas to sell many of the products that I have discovered in the system. I will also establish both maintenance and recreation facilities for the use of all. If there are any questions, please feel free to contact me via PM (or email).

Tom Krieger.



***** Periphery Classifieds *****


*** Market Opens ***

The dingy Caliphate has opened a trading hub in the disgusting system of Kastor in the almost entirely worthless Darkfold Periphery. Why anybody would want to visit there is a mystery to Kang, but those who do can find Bazaar Archipelago (4515) on the heap of garbage known as Mktkl (446). Where a number of hideously overpriced Caliphate trade goods can be purchased, or simply incinerated, as you see fit.


*** DOM Sell More Useless Ship Designs ***

The dirty money-grubbing DOM are selling some useless EEM 50H design blueprints for foolish meatsacks to research or buy in:

Javelin (25004) - 50HH/AAP
You all know this one I am sure, a common cruiser level design.

Roidrunner (25538) - 50HcH/AAP
A crystal javelin, sturdier than its metal counterpart but slightly more expensive to maintain.

Patrino (26031) - 50HH/SP
For all your clandestine exploration needs.

Hunter (26038) - 50HH/LAP
A light armour javelin variant, for pursuit and pinning.

$50k per blueprint, the line starts over there ->


*** FLZ Tentacle Expansion Project ***

Exciting opportunities within the Halo area to take over, develop and expand our holdings within this dangerous section of space. You will be given the help and support which added with your drive and ambition can only mean successful expansion for the Empire of the Race.


*** Exciting New Ad-Blocker Launches ***

New to the Peripheries, the glorious Smack!Face ad-blocking system! Whenever you get bothered by an advert coming through your Sub Space Static comms network, our system will automatically detect it, and dispatch an angry Krell with hand grenades to the publisher of that advert.

Never be bothered by ads again!


*** Krell Buck Trend By Training Troops ***

salute

looking for 15.000 trained troops, race and type, contact me about prices,
be it money, items or ores.

Warlord Namica
Warlord Namica
Clan Dark Angels
KRL (30) The Krells


*** FLZ Recruitment Message ***

Update - February 2016

Year 216 - Peace. A word that means different things to different beings. An end to hostilities. A chance to rearm before going again. An opportunity to recommence black operations behind the veneer of civilisation. Nobody can tell where this path will lead, but what is clear, for the Flagritz Empire is that contact with other species is not in the better interests of the Flagritz. Even the outward looking Fessin Caste are having to re-evaluate their view of the peripheries.

But, space is vast, and there are many areas where there is no competition, no human hegemony, places where new starcaptains can ply their trade, explore and make vast wealth with minimal fear of interruption.

Peace.


… Kang literally has no words for this.

… apart from these ones.

… and those ones.

… and, oh bugger, KANG GROWS WEARY OF IT ALL!



***** OOC Message From The Editor *****


Apologies for my disappearance, I busted up a couple of spinal discs about a month ago, and haven’t really been able to have much computer time since.

And what computer time I have had, has been heavily influenced by the super strong painkillers. Wheeeeeee. So, apologies in advance if there’s anything in these catch up editions that it’s a bit… weird sounding. I don’t have the strongest grip on things at the moment. J

- Simon.