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214
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Merry Phoenixmas

Merry Phoenixmas

To get us in a festive spirit a competition was held for best carol in the theme of Phoenix. The entries were outstanding with colourful characters such as our in-house xenophobic editor being a common choice of subject material. Deciding on the winner was a tough call though at the end it was decided when I found myself automatically singing the alternative lyrics when Good King Wenceslas came on the radio. I admit I was well into my third glass of port by this time and all poured with the generosity of Christmas. It was the 'deep and crisp and even' that swung it. It was a close run thing though. 'Dose the Rebs' is very catchy and 'So here it is Merry Nuking' is brilliant.

I have copied others here for your entertainment.

Brutal Overlord Kang looked out
On the world of Venus
All the humans lay round about
Deep and crisp and even
Brightly shone the nukes that night
Though the heat was cruel
When a scavvy came in sight
Gath'ring AM fuel

"Hither, slave, and stand by me
If thou know'st it, telling
Wretched creature, who are thee?
Where and what your dwelling?"
"Lord?” uncertainly he did tense
Kang drew out his blaster
Clearly he had given offence
Sadly couldn’t run faster

<BLAM>

"Bring his flesh and bring my wine
Bring his AM fuel hither
For on his corpse I will dine
You will cook my dinner.”
Well fed Overlord forth he went
Servant on a tether
Through the nuclear wind’s wild lament
And the bitter weather

"Sire, the night is darker now
And the wind blows stronger
My arms are glowing, I know not how,
I can go no longer."
"You may have served me for an age
Still you should not speak so boldly,
Thou shalt find your master’s rage
Freeze thy blood more coldly."

In his steps his master trod
Where the ash lay dinted
Kang would lash the lazy sod
In the night his flail glinted.
Therefore, humans all, be sure
Wealth or rank possessing
Bend the knee and let Kang cure
Your puny world with his blessing

by Silith Ungol

On the first day of Phoenix  [Recruit]

On the first day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
A surveyor in a Periphery.

On the second day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery.

On the third day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery.

On the fourth day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Four Gasup Birds,
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery.

On the fifth day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Five Stargate rings,
Four Gasup Birds,
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery.

On the sixth day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Six TCA a-laying,
Five Stargate rings,
Four Gasup Birds,
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery.

On the seventh day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Seven Aquaphid a-swimming,
Six TCA a-laying,
Five Stargate rings,
Four Gasup Birds,
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery

On the eighth day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Eight Meklan a-milking,
Seven Aquaphid a-swimming,
Six TCA a-laying,
Five Stargate rings,
Four Gasup Birds,
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery.

On the ninth day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Nine Dewiek dancing,
Eight Meklan a-milking,
Seven Aquaphid a-swimming,
Six TCA a-laying,
Five Stargate rings,
Four Gasup Birds,
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery.

On the tenth day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Ten Pirates a-leaping,
Nine Dewiek dancing,
Eight Meklan a-milking,
Seven Aquaphid a-swimming,
Six TCA a-laying,
Five Stargate rings,
Four Gasup Birds,
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery

On the eleventh day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Eleven Mohache piping,
Ten Pirates a-leaping,
Nine Dewiek dancing,
Eight Meklan a-milking,
Seven Aquaphid a-swimming,
Six TCA a-laying,
Five Stargate rings,
Four Gasup Birds,
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery.

On the twelfth day of Phoenix,
The GM sent to me
Twelve Detinus given a drumming,
Eleven Mohache piping,
Ten Pirates a-leaping,
Nine Dewiek dancing,
Eight Meklan a-milking,
Seven Aquaphid a-swimming,
Six TCA a-laying,
Five Stargate rings,
Four Gasup Birds,
Three Aliens,
Two Caravals,
And a surveyor in a Periphery.

by Zigic

A fairy-tale of New Order  [Recruit]

It was a double run day
In a funk sank
Old Simms said to me: won't win another one
And then they sang a song
The rare ores my outpost drew
I turned my ship away and trimmed around you
Shot for a plucky one
Gunned us eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Republic
I love you Sylvansight
I can see a better time
When all the EMP are goo.

They got ships big as ARCs
They got markets of gold
But the plasma cuts right through you
It's no place for the bold
When you first took my hand on a perch anniversary
You promised me democracy was waiting for me
You were irksome you were petty
Queen of Detinus city, when the band finished playing they tweeted nomore
Treasure Winters got all the birds a singing
We resist our boarder
Then lanced through the blight.

And the boys from the DTR Armada were singing Secudus Will Pay
And the bells were ringing out for Republic day.

You're scum you're a slaver
You greedy galactic trader
Lying there almost dead on a ship for a bed
You handbag you Krell
You spendthrift floosy rebel
Happy Republic you tart I pray True One our last.

And the boys from the DTR Armada were singing Secudus Will Pay
And the bells were ringing out for Republic day.

I coulda been the Speaker one
Well so could any bum
You took my fleet from me
When I first crowned you
I kept them with me safe
I put them with my own
Can't make it patch along
I've built my schemes around you.

And the boys from the DTR Armada were singing Secudus Will Pay
And the bells were ringing out for Republic day.

by Darius Shirazi

IND's Lament  [Recruit]

Away in a starship,
No aff for a bed.
Distrusted by all
And the Imp want me dead.

Mochahe cattle are lowing
Alarm systems awake
Its the Pirates of Indus
Through the airlock they break


Be near me oh Startrooper
Till the pirates are dead
And we can sell are cargo
And the crew can get fed.

With apologies to Away in a Manger

by Fleet Exarch

Dose the Rebs with Nova fire  [Recruit]

Dose the Rebs with Nova fire,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Let the True One inspire,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don the torps with cloak apparel,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
But let them see both your barrels,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing base before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Strike the match and join the chorus.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Follow me in merry measure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
And have yourself a slave of pleasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

by Zigic

It's a long long way to New Sol  [Recruit]

(Not quite a Christmas song, but it normally comes out with the drunken festive joy!)

Up to mighty Darkfold came
An Earthling lad one day,
All the streets were paved with stellars,
So everyone was happy!

Singing songs of Mars,
Jupiter, and Uranus,
'Til Samuel got excited and
He shouted to them there:

It's a long way to New Sol,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to New Sol
To the sweetest Flagritzi I know!
Goodbye Earth,
Farewell Mars!
It's a long long way to New Sol,
But my heart's right there.

Samuel wrote a letter
To his Earthling Molly O',
Saying, "Should you not receive it,
Write and let me know!
If I make mistakes in "spelling",
Molly dear", said he,
"Remember it's Kang, he's really bad,
Don't lay the blame on me".

It's a long way to New Sol,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to New Sol
To the sweetest Flagritzi I know!
Goodbye Earth,
Farewell Mars,
It's a long long way to New Sol,
But my heart's right there.

Molly wrote a neat reply
To Confederate Sammy O',
Saying, "Jasil wants
To marry me, and so
Leave old Earth and Mars,
Or you'll be to blame,
For love has fairly drove me silly,
Hoping you're the same!"

It's a long way to New Sol,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to New Sol
To the sweetest Flagritzi I know!
Goodbye Earth,
Farewell Mars,
It's a long long way to New Sol,
But my heart's right there.

by Saxonburg

Ode to the Brotherhood  [Recruit]

Ode to the Brotherhood,
apologies to Crash Test Dummies :P

Once there was this boy
Who got into an incident
And couldn't come to church

But when he finally came back
His hair had turned
From black into bright white
He said that it was from when
The True One had spoken

Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm

Once there was this girl
Who wouldn't go and change
With the girls in the change room

But when they finally made her
They saw True marks all over her body
She couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just been there

Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm

'Cause then there was this boy whose
Parents made him come directly home
Right after church

And when they went to their church
They shook and lurched all over the church floor
He couldn't quite explain it
The True One must have gone there

Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm

Edit* It seems that all parties mentioned in this Hyme are now being looked after in a Brotherhood re-education centre...


Original Lyrics: Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm

by fedec2007

Stolen from "The Little Drummer Boy"  [Recruit]

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new found Jump to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest ships we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To search for any-thing, pa rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum

So to col-on-ize, pa rum pum pum pum
When we come.

Damn Neb-u-la, pa rum pum pum pum
It broke my ship in two, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no ship to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to cross the thing, pa rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum

Will you res-cue it, pa rum pum pum pum
When you come?

Play-ers nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
They sent their ships in time, pa rum pum pum pum
They saved my ship for me, pa rum pum pum pum
They brought it back for me, pa rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum

Then they smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me on my own.

by Tom Krieger

Twas The Night Before Christmas  [Recruit]

Twas The Night Before Christmas, when all through the base
klaxons were sounding, invaders from space.
Blast doors are closing with immediate effect,
we hope and pray our firing solutions be correct.

The younglings were cowering, cramped under a bunk,
fabricated of Jacium we put the fat one in a trunk.
Of reinforced concrete, in our nagging fear we bade,
who was the contractor, bugger, it was Frontier Exploration and Trade.

When out with a flicker, neon no more,
I sprang, stumbled upward and wobbled to the door.
Quell your screams of terror sweet irritating children,
for what approaches now curiosity must not awaken.

The moon on stick wife, I desperately muttered,
A shadow in the way beyond, clouded and cluttered.
What dastardly being that in distant illuminated afterglow
doth carry a fir festooned in tinsel, baubles and fake snow?

With a certain approach in an ungainly swagger,
I beg you invader, spare my brood and nagger.
Close your eyes my darlings, hold hands, embrace.
This Santa has only two arms, legs, eyes and just the one face.

Arrrrgh, Tis I, Pirate Large. The beast did exclaim.
Landed 'pon this shite hole not to murder or maim.
Lookin round 'bouts for parrot, crew, cook, otherwise draftee.
All needs now be a volunteer to sit 'pon this 'ere tree.

by Salvatore Kong

The True One and Great Mother  [Recruit]

The True one and Great Mother,
When they are both full known
Of all the gods that are worshipèd
The True One Great Mother bears the crown
O the rising of the sun
And the running of the Prey
The playing of the little cubs
Sweet smelling of the opera

The True One bears a blossom
As white as lily flower
And Mary bore sweet Jesus Christ
To be their sweet Saviour
O the rising of the monks
And the dread inquisitors
The playing of the merry organ
Plain-Chanting of the choir

The Mother bears a berry
As red as any blood
And She watches over all felines
To see her Pride come good
O the rising of the sun
And the running of the Prey
The playing of the little cubs
Strong smelling of the Opera

The Mother bears a prickle
As sharp as any thorn;
And she uses it to guard her cubs
so that all their foes shall mourn
O the rising of the sun
And the running of the Prey
The playing of the little cubs
Musky smelling of the Opera

The True One bears a bark
As bitter as any gall;
And their monks say to bow down low
For to redeem us all.
O the rising of the monks
And the dread inquisitors
The playing of the merry organ
Plain-Chanting of the choir

The True one and Great Mother,
When they are both full known
Of all the gods that are worshipèd
The True One Great Mother bears the crown
O the rising of the sun
And the running of the Prey
The playing of the little cubs
Sweet smelling of the opera

by Mrrshan

A long time ago, in our galaxy  [Recruit]

My apologies to Boney M for butchering their excellent song.:D

A long time ago, in our galaxy,
A monstrous beast was born,
His parents said they'd name him Kang,
And so our tale has begun.

Hark now hear,
The Flagritz sing,
Our Kang was born today,
And man will fear for evermore,
Because of Kang's birthday.

While humans fixed their ships that night,
The Stargate opened wide,
Many Flagritz came on through,
They tried to take over this side.

Hark now hear,
The Flagritz sing,
Our Kang was born today,
And man will fear for evermore,
Because of Kang's birthday.

The Flagrits hadn't counted on all of
the Meatsacks that they found on this side of the gate,
The humans said, "We're not having this!" and they fought those aliens back!

Then time moved on and as we know,
The Flagritz still are here,
Kang got a job reading news,
This brought to many good cheer.

I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!
Kang was heard to say,
As he munched his latest beast,
YOU'RE ALL JUST FILTHY BAGS OF FLESH!!!
For him, humans were a feast.

Hark now hear,
The Flagritz sing,
Our Kang was born today,
And man will fear for evermore,
Because of Kang's birthday.

And man will fear for evermore,
Because of Kang's birthday.

by Gaijin

Imagine  [Recruit]

Imagine there's no real life
It's easy if you try
High yield ores below us
Above us 10,000 hull platforms
Imagine all your employees
Living under shields...

Imagine there's free access to all star gates
It isn't hard to do
Remove old one eye from Tycoon
And those supporting Felini too
Imagine all the Mohache
Enslaved by the Overlord of the Dominion...

The GM says I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join Phoenix
And my sentient machine race will be agreed...

Imagine no special actions
I wonder if you can
No need for new ores or resources
No brotherhood of man
The Dewiek took care of them...

The GM says I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join Phoenix
And develop many worlds to established stage 5...

by Alpha Centauri

In the Coreward Arm (In the bleak mid winter)  [Recruit]

In the Coreward Arm
The Har-Corp League has gone
What remains is in decline
Pirates roaming free
If only the league was still around
Life would be improved
In the Coreward Arm
The Har-Corp League has gone

In its hour of Need
Coreward's proclaimed anew
Links from Outer Capellan
Wormholes from halo
The Affs they came a-running
to bring renewed vigour
In the Coreward Arm
The Har-Corp League has Gone

Soldiers and Employees
are recruited again
Starbases they are appearing
On all the strange new Worlds
trade it is beginning
and the fights begin anew
In the Coreward Arm
the Har-Corp league has gone

The people they rejoice
for the renewed activity
they supply the trade goods
the affs they bring techniques
trade improves all round
but remeber the defences
In the Coreward Arm
the Har-Corp League has gone

What can I bring to them
Poor as I am
If I were a trader
I would bring Carved Gems
If I were a Soldier
I would bring Light Tanks
But what can they give to us
They give us Stellars.

by Fernando Garcia

The Flagritz and the Dewick (to the tune of the Holly and the Ivy)  [Recruit]

The Flagritz and the Dewiek (to he tune of the Holly and the Ivy)

The Flagritz and the Dewiek
When they are both full grown,
Of all races that are in the skies,
These mighty ones bear the crown

[Refrain:]
O, the rising of the suns,
And the running of the F'lini
The pounding of the merry guns,
Sweet photons in the air.

The Flagritz bear a grudge,
As black as death come down,
And Dewiek packs shall fall upon
The 'Feds as they run out.

[Refrain]

The Flagritz bear a rage,
As red as any blood,
And Dewick packs shall fall upon
The pirates hiding down.

[Refrain]

The Flagritz bear a tentacle
As sharp as any thorn,
And Dewiek packs shall fall upon
The TCA in the morn

[Refrain]

The Flagritz bear a Nova
As bitter as the gall,
And Dewiek packs shall fall upon
For to destroy them all

[Refrain]

The Flagritz and the Dewiek
When they are both full grown,
Of all races that are in the skies,
These mighty ones bear the crown

[Refrain]

by Acrivyn

O Come, all ye faithful  [Recruit]

O Come, all ye faithful,
Believers and Righteous!
O welcome ye, O welcome ye to the Brotherhood;
Come and burn them
Burn the heathens and aliens:

O come, let us burn them,
O come, let us burn them,
O come, let us burn them,
The True One is Lord.

God of God,
Light of Light,
Lo, he abhors the Traitors and Corrupt;
Very God,
Better they be cremated:

Sing, choirs of zealots,
Bring on the Inquisition,
Sing, all ye citizens of the Celestial Plains!
Glory to the True One
In the highest:

Yea, heathen, we find ye guilty,
Burn this happy morning;
Corrupt, to thee a special "glory" given!
Word of the True One,
Watch their flesh disappearing!

O come, let us burn them,
O come, let us burn them,
O come, let us burn them,
The True One is Lord.

by Anne Dieu-le-Veut

So here it is Merry Nuking  [Recruit]

Are you hanging up Republicans on your wall
It's the time that the Emperor had a ball
Does he ride a Heavy Hulled Dreadnought
Fires nukes from his ship
And all for just another decorative pip.
So here it is Merry Nuking
Everybody's having fun
Look to the Empire now
We've only just begun.

Are you waiting for the Imperials to arrive
Have you checked you've got no drugs and slaves inside
Does your granny avoid her taxes
If so shop her for the best
She'll soon be irradiated with the rest.
So here it is Merry Nuking
Everybody's having fun
Look to the Empire now
We've only just begun.

What will your civilians do when they see
Your leaders heads lopped off
Ah ah

Are you hanging up Republicans on your wall
Are you hoping that the Senate will start to fall
Do you abide by the Tau Ceti
With the weapons that were forbade
Nukes will land upon your head
Then you bin slayed.
So here it is Merry Nuking
Everybody's having fun
Look to the Empire now
We've only just begun.

by Zigic

Twas the night before Christmas II  [Recruit]

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the base
Not a creature was stirring, of any race
The True One’s emblems hung in windows with care,
Lest the Lord Inquisitor soon be there.

Naplians were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Khoros Ants danced in their heads.
My crew out on leave, twas alone in my ship
And had just settled down for a well-deserved nip.

When out in the port there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bunk to see what was the matter.
Away to the bridge I flew like a flash,
Powered the sensors and scanned for a clash.

The klaxons they sounded, marines raced for their guns.
The night sky brightened; something flamed like a sun.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a four hundred hull ship with thrusters aflare!.

With a slavering captain, so clearly deranged,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Kang.
More rapid than eagles his demons they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and proudly proclaimed!

“Now Humans! Now Wimbles! Now silly Dewiks!
Mewling little IMPs and trembling ‘publics!
I have come to destroy you! I have come for my due!
I will break all your bones for my holiday stew!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
The humans they fled, the Deweik they cried.
Out of the nightclub, came old Pirate Large,
Who took just one look and sobbed out an “Arrgghh!”

And then, in a twinkling, on top of my ship
Kang cackled with glee and started to rip.
I heard the screech as the hull started to shatter
From thorlium-hard claws and relentless blasters.

He was covered in slime from his head to his foot,
His tentacles dripped with Kastorian blood.
A bundle of nukes he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a nightmare come for ruin and wrack.

Hidden under my bunk I prayed for the True One’s protection
From St. Kang’s favorite hobby – meatsack dissection.
But when Kang yanked me out from under my bed
I need not have worried, for here’s what he said.

“Puny human I am pleased to see your frightened prostration
Your squirming and worming more suits your station.
Destroying this starbase brought me all sorts of pleasure
And killing your crew was its own little treasure

“Spending my days taking note of the actions
Of petty disputes tween your sniveling factions.
Has left me exhausted and needing a rest
From sending out missives for e’en Flagritz

“So I spare you this once if you save me the misery
Of sending a message to every Periphery
A single refrain must you repeatedly call
Merry Christmas you meatsacks. Kang hates you all!”

by Lange

Swimming in a water wonderland  [Recruit]

Water wonderland... guess the tune :P

One Coalition,
There's only one Coalition,
Swimming along, bubbling a song,
swimming in a water wonderland

Aquaphids are swimming through the surf now,
Rapidly approaching to the land,
Air breathers time - it is numbered
Ocean dwellers gain the upper hand

One Coalition,
There's only one Coalition,
Swimming along, bubbling a song,
swimming in a water wonderland.

The ocean is the queen of the peripheries,
Wherever there is ocean we'll be there.
Making sure the waters unpolluted
ridding all the planets of their air.

One Coalition,
There's only one Coalition,
Swimming along, bubbling a song,
swimming in a water wonderland

The time will come when we will rule the oceans,
spreading water wonder everywhere
land locked bases will be sent to history
when they're gone we really will not care

One Coalition,
There's only one Coalition,
Swimming along, bubbling a song,
swimming in a water wonderland

by Thinks

 
News
Is open for business...
 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Stellar Empire Re-United ***

Celebrations were held across the vast territories of the Stellar Empire as the two-halves represented by the governments of the Imperials and Caliphate determined to unite. This followed almost inevitably from the assassination of the Caliph, a crime that has gone mysteriously unresolved. The old Caliphate ministers were ‘retired’ and at first it seemed the Imperials had managed what had alluded them for decades.

However, just as orders to claim systems for the IMP went in some places, conflicting orders to claim for the CIA came from Laton. In other systems, it seems overwhelming civilian support lies with the defunct CAL government and there are a number of CIV and CAL bases that seem to have not heeded the CIA nor IMP orders. With all the Caliphate's armaments now in the CIA’s hand and no political leadership in the old government, it seems inevitable that the civilians will be dragged kicking and screaming into the future.

A muted and cautious response from the rest of the galaxy was only to be expected given the formation of a new unrivalled superpower. The chilling effect on public discourse as the Imperial war machine taps into the substantial, if stunted, economies of the former Caliphate will surely be felt for years to come. Does this mark the 'end of history' as we know it?

More on this story inside this issue of the SSS along with: * KAS v IMP/GTT v FLZ * DEN v MRC * FOCed by IMP * BHD v DEN * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Imperials Declare War Against Flagritz ***

A declaration of war came last week after an unsatisfactory reply to Imperial ultimatums that the FLZ accept resolution of the previous war. J. Jones issued the following proclamation, "We hope this reminder will prompt them to rethink the status they removed them selves from and come back to more peaceful co-existence.” Doublegood, Viceroy, doublegood!

More on this story inside this issue of the SSS along with: * Species Guide * FEL Barter With GIants * High Times &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Orion Spur Special Edition ***

Explorers of the galaxy rejoiced as knowledge of a new periphery became common knowledge, revealing charts to forty star systems. The Orion Spur is connected to the massive Coreward Arm with rumours that the locals of the Monument system at the heart of this new periphery may have been responsible for the collapse of the HarCorp civilisation.

We have in-depth analysis and information about the new periphery inside this special issue of the SSS.

Also inside this issue of the SSS: * Naplian Liberation Front Reality Show * FLZ v FEL * Mercs in Graydown * DOM Scare Stories * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Hoedown in Graydown ***

Wimbles in the Graydown system have come under repeated attacks by mercenaries. The Wimbles having already lost two outposts have had their ships come under attack by boarders. The Wimbles are pointing a hairy finger at the GTT whilst the DEN are itching to get their paws in.

Pleasantly rotund Wolf Lord Lyceum reported the destruction of one mercenary ship, a Corsair class explorer called "Eye of the Chosen" which had earlier dropped off ground forces flying the banner of "God Hates Wimbles.” Which God and why he or she hates Wimbles has yet to be revealed. We suspect its corporation-loving Mammon.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * Sargasso Update * Wakerians * Naplian Liberation Front * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Breaking News: Caliph Samuel Assassinated ***

The nominal head of the Caliphate, Samuel has been murdered in broad daylight at the starbase CAL Sidon in the Fortress system. The allegedly mad zealot was on his way to meet representatives of various civilian factions when a shadowy figure *cough*CIA agent*cough* shot him dead.

The CIA issued the following statement to the SSS with a customary nudge and a wink: "In these difficult times, as we come to terms with the loss of Samuel, we are taking things one day at a time.

"Samuel was not only our Caliph, but our leader during the Second Civil War which laid the foundations for the Confederacy after he left the Human Empire and settled in the Darkfold. It is truly a sad day and one that will be marked in history as one of many great leaders who were cut down in their prime.

"We will strive now to look to the future, whilst remembering our past”

Speculation is rife that this is the first step towards a unification of the two-halves of the Stellar Empire. Others are more hopeful this is a return to the Confederacy or the mark of greater separation with the Imperial bloc. Time will tell what nebulous motives the shadowy puppet-master Laton turned out to have had and which alien faction will be blamed for the Caliph’s murder.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * HEX / FET Invade Sargasso * Magnus v Nevets Fight! * Dewiek Black Hole Disaster * FLZ Correction * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** STOP PRESS: Felini Victory ***

In an unexpected development, the FEL have scored a decisive victory against the FLZ. Destroying or maiming some 20 Flagritz Baseships in the Onwards system.

What is more remarkable than the victory was there was no subsequent comment by Crazy Uncle Flagritz. We might need to have a lie down now.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * DEN and FEL * Valhalla Fighting Pits * RIP smacked * &etc


 
***** Christmas Special Edition *****

*** Ho Ho Ho ***

Welcome to the SSS Christmas Special Edition! We the Editors have put together a nostalgic pudding treat intended to delight and tickle even the scroogiest megacorp executive. So gather your cubs, squidlets and larvae for some silliness and song. Time to catch up with some classics from years gone by, raise your glasses and drink your gluttony and shame away!

Wishing you all a merry Christmas free from Krampus Jones's invading armies!

The Editors


 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Claws Out in Valhalla ***

In a bold rebuke of Crazy Uncle Flagritz’s attacks in the Avalon system, the cunning Felini Nevets ordered a hit on a FLZ outpost in the Valhalla system. Claiming miscommunication with his warships, the mischevious Avatar cocked a snook at the washed-out Dewiek warrior in charge of the system whilst claiming an important victory in the often one-sided conflict against the FLZ.

This isn’t the first time the foxy Feline has masked daring-do in the shroud of incompetence. It remains to be seen whether this turns out as disastrously as the time when the FEL had to pay the costs of a war started by Prince-turned-meklan LiQuan.

Meower-in-chief Chamiah apologised for the incident in a public address laced with snickering subtext and unconcealed laughter when she got to the bit about the unfortunate loss of “5 FLZ Warships in Onwards.”

A second incident in Valhalla was reported the next day with mardy Magnus complaining he wasn’t getting his claws in on the action. Could this be the pithy ploy that puts the cat on the mat?

Inside this issue of the SSS: * Merc-y Wimbles * Valhalla Fighting Pits Get Weird * Profile of Lyceum Amaguk * &etc


 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Nun on the Run ***

Alleged cosplayer Carmilla D’Morenta got the vicars in the Brotherhood all hot and bothered when she made a run for it. Possibly tired of being tied up by the reverends and denied the love that dare not howl its name. With a sizeable, almost unbelievable, bounty on her head, the barking sister took refuge with the Dewiek Elder Nation.

In possibly the shortest chase in history, the BHD managed to strike a blow for oppressed collars everywhere when they squared off with the naughty doggy-wannabe at the Valhalla stargate. The cheeky chaplains blew their hyperdrive at close range and both the BHD and DEN flagged ships were reported to be lost in space.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * DEN Ban BHD * Ulian * FLZ in Avalon * Valhalla Fighting Pits * Interview with Carmilla * And more


 

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