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The Agency

The Agency - The Queen's Men

For me the best part of a gaming convention is to try new systems and ones you have maybe dabbled in. The former because buying new game systems when already a fair proportion of home and office shelves bulge with them is no longer an option (especially with a reluctance to part with systems gathering dust on said shelves) the latter because it is always good to see how others run a system you may not be too familiar with and well, it saves reading the rules, dun it.

The nature of convention games is that they are generally run fairly tightly and aimed at a group that are possibly somewhat unknowing of the system, genre or even roleplaying in general. This makes them absolutely perfect after sloshing your way down to Birmingham on a Friday armed with little more than a train ticket, bundle of clothes, toothbrush and your bodyweight in cans of Carling and Fosters (and a recently cleared credit card begging to be loaded up).


So with this in mind we booked The Queen's Men, set in the 'universe' of The Agency.

The Agency is a roleplaying game where players take on the roles of sixties style secret agents fighting the supernatural, so long hair, velvet suites, frilly cuffs and walking canes all round.

With our usual level of pre-game recon we were both hung-over (this being the Saturday) and blissfully oblivious to even the vaguer points of either genre or system. Suffice to say, somebody red 60's spies and that was good enough.

Armed with beer and staring at the GM who probably regretted ever agreeing to run an adventure, we listened somewhat half-heartedly while he explained.

The game is 'the show that never was'. The characters are the Queen's Men, this being a variant of the The Agency, set in an earlier period. Nope, this didn't register, nor did his comment that suiting my character up in a dapper wing collared coat, top hat and impressive drooping moustache was impressively anachronistic.

The explanation continued. The game is set on two levels. At one level there are a series of events that take place and the characters have to outwit, outfight and outthink the adversaries encountered, be they monsters, minions or natural events. Your run-of-the-mill RPG stuff we are all familiar with. The other level however puts a twist on this that I have never encountered the like of before. The whole of the stuff above is nothing more than poorly made stage props as the whole thing is nothing more than the set of a TV programme. In this case it was a TV programme suffering from budget cuts at a time when stuntmen are striking. The whole thing was being directed by a mad Frenchman (or was he German? accents were all over the show).

The game is very much rules light with a few stats and skills and motif about the character (as portrayed in the show). I went with facial close-ups in important scenes. These can be used to keep a character in a scene they would normally be booted from when, for a better expression, everything goes tits-up for them.
Each player also gets to chuck into the pot a complication that can later be taken by a player to give their character a bonus in that scene but will come back to haunt them. You make them up.

We added: foreign spy; drunk on set; wooden leg; betrayed by lover

The story was fairly straightforward. Earl of Dudley had abducted the daughter of a Lord Eltham (it was not dawning on me that maybe it was going to be set in mini-skirt heaven) and had taken her to an abandoned castle.

We opened with a quick one-on-one for each player to introduce the character and get a feel for how their actor plays him. A wizards lab with strange bubbling beakers and glass jars filled with pickled creatures for Dr John Dee, some roughhousing for Sir Francis Bacon and for Christopher Marlowe (my character), apologising to the lady as he leaves the bed to answer the Queens call (with cover strategically placed to cover the corset of the overweight middle-aged actor).

The opening scene in which the description of castle on the hill was met by a reiteration of the Camelot scene from Monty Pythons Holy Grail quickly got us into the swing of the game. Pretending to be an actor who is playing the part of the an Elizabethan agent, struggling under the weight of fallen masonry which is in fact polystyrene, polystyrene which due to budget cuts is only painted on one side. Lots of swaying around in our chairs with arms above heads trying to keep the imaginary painted side of the block pointing towards cameras ensued. More beer was ordered.

We battle our way through tumbling polystyrene blocks while hands in painted marigold gloves reach out at us from just off camera and things are going well, that is until one of the unpaid extras (as there are no stuntmen) manages to slap Sir Francis Bacon by accident. A proper punch-up occurs pretty much bringing everything down and the scene is wrapped as the Bacon, mosschops now dangling is last seen chasing the extra between the trailers.

Further scenes unfold in which Dr John Dee uses his mystical powers of levitation (things dangling from fishing rods) and a hurled monster strikes a fire alarm, which requires post-production sound effects and voice over. Most of them start with Bacon sporting a fresh set of moss-chops (in assorted colours, having quickly exhausted his own stock causing make-up to improvise) and end with him pummelling the same extra. More beer is consumed both by actors and players alike.

Oh, right, so we are in Elizabethan times. Gotcha. My character will ditch his top hat for the next scene.
Dealing with mermaids (shot in soft focus) looking to drag us into the ornamental pond required some cunning. The first was persuaded to slip out of the scene and make her way to the trailer of the character playing Christopher Marlowe. To the other it was explained that with one mermaid on the boil back at the caravan, the scene needed to be over pretty sharp, so irrespective of what it said in the script, if the little lady didnt bugger off right now, she would never work in television again. Scene wraps with Bacon dunking extra in the ornamental pond off camera.

The final scene in which (we decided with a much obliging GM to change the ending) it is revealed that the Earl of Dudley is in fact the Lord Elthams daughter the very same one my actors character started the episode in bed with (er, no it didnt make sense, if she was already abducted. We vaguely justified it as the same actress also likely to be one of the mermaids whatever, nobody watching the show would give a figs). The whole abduction thing was a ruse to lure us into a trap. It also ties up the betrayal of lover complication I picked up earlier.



A few minutes later my character is hopping across the set using his wooden leg (yeah, got that one as well) to drive back minions of the nobles daughter while Sir Francis Bacon crosses foils with the lady herself. I say lady, though by this point she has been replaced by a certain extra in a very poor wig. An extra out for revenge it needs to be added. Soon fake swords have been discarded and the pair are fighting dirty, scrapping their way across the set, knocking over fake walls and calling each other wankers. The director is having a field day, saying it is brilliant, this is how they would fight and to keep rolling. Bacon grapples her/him to a hold and rips of the wig. Dr Dee declares its a man and the camera zooms in Christopher Marlowes face (recreated at the gaming table by use of fingers and thumbs to frame my face to a reveal a look of horror.

As it turned out, the chap running the game was none other than its creator. We bumped into him the following day, quite sober for a change. He confirmed that we had actually played it in the fashion it was meant (there was a debate over breakfast as to whether he was just humouring a bunch of drunks). I would recommend giving it a go for pure comedy value.





 
News
Is open for business...
 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Stellar Empire Re-United ***

Celebrations were held across the vast territories of the Stellar Empire as the two-halves represented by the governments of the Imperials and Caliphate determined to unite. This followed almost inevitably from the assassination of the Caliph, a crime that has gone mysteriously unresolved. The old Caliphate ministers were ‘retired’ and at first it seemed the Imperials had managed what had alluded them for decades.

However, just as orders to claim systems for the IMP went in some places, conflicting orders to claim for the CIA came from Laton. In other systems, it seems overwhelming civilian support lies with the defunct CAL government and there are a number of CIV and CAL bases that seem to have not heeded the CIA nor IMP orders. With all the Caliphate's armaments now in the CIA’s hand and no political leadership in the old government, it seems inevitable that the civilians will be dragged kicking and screaming into the future.

A muted and cautious response from the rest of the galaxy was only to be expected given the formation of a new unrivalled superpower. The chilling effect on public discourse as the Imperial war machine taps into the substantial, if stunted, economies of the former Caliphate will surely be felt for years to come. Does this mark the 'end of history' as we know it?

More on this story inside this issue of the SSS along with: * KAS v IMP/GTT v FLZ * DEN v MRC * FOCed by IMP * BHD v DEN * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Imperials Declare War Against Flagritz ***

A declaration of war came last week after an unsatisfactory reply to Imperial ultimatums that the FLZ accept resolution of the previous war. J. Jones issued the following proclamation, "We hope this reminder will prompt them to rethink the status they removed them selves from and come back to more peaceful co-existence.” Doublegood, Viceroy, doublegood!

More on this story inside this issue of the SSS along with: * Species Guide * FEL Barter With GIants * High Times &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Orion Spur Special Edition ***

Explorers of the galaxy rejoiced as knowledge of a new periphery became common knowledge, revealing charts to forty star systems. The Orion Spur is connected to the massive Coreward Arm with rumours that the locals of the Monument system at the heart of this new periphery may have been responsible for the collapse of the HarCorp civilisation.

We have in-depth analysis and information about the new periphery inside this special issue of the SSS.

Also inside this issue of the SSS: * Naplian Liberation Front Reality Show * FLZ v FEL * Mercs in Graydown * DOM Scare Stories * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Hoedown in Graydown ***

Wimbles in the Graydown system have come under repeated attacks by mercenaries. The Wimbles having already lost two outposts have had their ships come under attack by boarders. The Wimbles are pointing a hairy finger at the GTT whilst the DEN are itching to get their paws in.

Pleasantly rotund Wolf Lord Lyceum reported the destruction of one mercenary ship, a Corsair class explorer called "Eye of the Chosen" which had earlier dropped off ground forces flying the banner of "God Hates Wimbles.” Which God and why he or she hates Wimbles has yet to be revealed. We suspect its corporation-loving Mammon.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * Sargasso Update * Wakerians * Naplian Liberation Front * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Breaking News: Caliph Samuel Assassinated ***

The nominal head of the Caliphate, Samuel has been murdered in broad daylight at the starbase CAL Sidon in the Fortress system. The allegedly mad zealot was on his way to meet representatives of various civilian factions when a shadowy figure *cough*CIA agent*cough* shot him dead.

The CIA issued the following statement to the SSS with a customary nudge and a wink: "In these difficult times, as we come to terms with the loss of Samuel, we are taking things one day at a time.

"Samuel was not only our Caliph, but our leader during the Second Civil War which laid the foundations for the Confederacy after he left the Human Empire and settled in the Darkfold. It is truly a sad day and one that will be marked in history as one of many great leaders who were cut down in their prime.

"We will strive now to look to the future, whilst remembering our past”

Speculation is rife that this is the first step towards a unification of the two-halves of the Stellar Empire. Others are more hopeful this is a return to the Confederacy or the mark of greater separation with the Imperial bloc. Time will tell what nebulous motives the shadowy puppet-master Laton turned out to have had and which alien faction will be blamed for the Caliph’s murder.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * HEX / FET Invade Sargasso * Magnus v Nevets Fight! * Dewiek Black Hole Disaster * FLZ Correction * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** STOP PRESS: Felini Victory ***

In an unexpected development, the FEL have scored a decisive victory against the FLZ. Destroying or maiming some 20 Flagritz Baseships in the Onwards system.

What is more remarkable than the victory was there was no subsequent comment by Crazy Uncle Flagritz. We might need to have a lie down now.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * DEN and FEL * Valhalla Fighting Pits * RIP smacked * &etc


 
***** Christmas Special Edition *****

*** Ho Ho Ho ***

Welcome to the SSS Christmas Special Edition! We the Editors have put together a nostalgic pudding treat intended to delight and tickle even the scroogiest megacorp executive. So gather your cubs, squidlets and larvae for some silliness and song. Time to catch up with some classics from years gone by, raise your glasses and drink your gluttony and shame away!

Wishing you all a merry Christmas free from Krampus Jones's invading armies!

The Editors


 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Claws Out in Valhalla ***

In a bold rebuke of Crazy Uncle Flagritz’s attacks in the Avalon system, the cunning Felini Nevets ordered a hit on a FLZ outpost in the Valhalla system. Claiming miscommunication with his warships, the mischevious Avatar cocked a snook at the washed-out Dewiek warrior in charge of the system whilst claiming an important victory in the often one-sided conflict against the FLZ.

This isn’t the first time the foxy Feline has masked daring-do in the shroud of incompetence. It remains to be seen whether this turns out as disastrously as the time when the FEL had to pay the costs of a war started by Prince-turned-meklan LiQuan.

Meower-in-chief Chamiah apologised for the incident in a public address laced with snickering subtext and unconcealed laughter when she got to the bit about the unfortunate loss of “5 FLZ Warships in Onwards.”

A second incident in Valhalla was reported the next day with mardy Magnus complaining he wasn’t getting his claws in on the action. Could this be the pithy ploy that puts the cat on the mat?

Inside this issue of the SSS: * Merc-y Wimbles * Valhalla Fighting Pits Get Weird * Profile of Lyceum Amaguk * &etc


 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Nun on the Run ***

Alleged cosplayer Carmilla D’Morenta got the vicars in the Brotherhood all hot and bothered when she made a run for it. Possibly tired of being tied up by the reverends and denied the love that dare not howl its name. With a sizeable, almost unbelievable, bounty on her head, the barking sister took refuge with the Dewiek Elder Nation.

In possibly the shortest chase in history, the BHD managed to strike a blow for oppressed collars everywhere when they squared off with the naughty doggy-wannabe at the Valhalla stargate. The cheeky chaplains blew their hyperdrive at close range and both the BHD and DEN flagged ships were reported to be lost in space.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * DEN Ban BHD * Ulian * FLZ in Avalon * Valhalla Fighting Pits * Interview with Carmilla * And more


 

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