Phoenix
Phoenix: BSE
Phoenix at a Glance
The Game
Sign Up
Nexus Tour
FAQ
Flagship#130 Review
Resources
History
Calendar
Wallpapers
IRC and player sites
SubSpace Static Archive
214
Previous Years
Intergalactic News
Issue 28
Issue 27
Issue 26
Issue 25
Issue 24
Issue 23
Issue 22
Older Issues
 
Blog of the Week - A Perturbed Secretary

A perturbed secretary

Stardate 213.10.1
Onboard the mohache astral Speaks in Tongues, chief of his tribe


Speaks for Speaks was walking down a side artery, a small stack of documents in his hand and a worried frown on his face. He approached the sphincter leading to the interview chamber which opened as he drew near. He walked inside and with a soft creak it closed behind him.

The interview chamber was a spartan place, lit with a bioluminescent glow which was now increasing in intensity in response to his arrival. He sat himself down on one of the bone growths jutting out of the side wall of the chamber, and waited. This would usually take a few minutes. Leafing through the papers he had brought, his frown deepened.

It didn't take long before the opposite wall changed to a pale blue hue, an indication that Speaks in Tongues had "arrived" as it were. Now, of course, Chief Speaks could "be" anywhere in the ship, and communicate with the crew wherever they happened to be. But he had taken to insist on using the interview chamber after he had given himself over to introspection. Chief Speaks was in meditation now more often than not, and had left the day to day operations to the crew. These days he would only sometimes involve himself on matters of trade and of politics.


"You look worried, my friend," a voice filled the chamber. Not booming, but soft and friendly and everywhere. It was as if the very walls of the chamber were being used to generate the sound waves and, of course, that was exactly what was happening. The blue hue of the opposing wall undulated in tune with the voice, as if the Chief was somehow present and behind that wall. Or maybe inside it. A deliberate trick to simulate communicating with a nearby invidividual, Speaks knew. Some people, and many aliens in particular, were most uncomfortable with talking to the person they were actually inside and took very easily to pretending they were instead talking to some kind of bizarre living wall.

Speaks sighed. Yes, he was worried. It didn't happen a lot, but this was the perfect opportunity for it. "Hi Chief," he started, "how's life the universe and everything today?" – it was a common joke between them. Chief Speaks might be deep in contemplation on the secrets of existence but he hadn't lost his sense of humour. Speaks had taken to always starting their conversations like this, and it would sometimes lead to philosophical debate and what to himself were deep revelations. Not today though, today it was just a rote greeting and the Chief recognized it, "Not bad my friend, not bad at all, but tell me, what is on your mind?"

A brief pause to gather his thoughts, then Speaks pulled out one of the papers from the stack and waved it about as he spoke. "He, this, this Wylde character, he is … he is, … plowing alone." There was a certain lack of expressions in the mohache language for what Speaks thought about Wylde and what was going on and he struggled to find suitable phrases. He decided to just lay it out as it had happened. "Last week he gave orders to our freight fleets, orders I never saw, and which diverted them from what they should be doing and into the Coreward Arm, and he had them build a new starbase there, and just now he announced for all the Peripheries to see the opening of a new cut-price market out in Coptuv. He built a really big base there and all with what our freight brought in. I never knew about this, and, …" catching his breath, he was interrupted by Chief Speaks before he could continue.

"I see, he has been busy then, our Wylde?" the everywhere voice said. "Tell me, what does this market of his look like?"

Momentarily caught off guard, Speaks opened his mouth to say something but seemed lost for words. Then he leafed through the papers, found a few that were stapled together, and looked through them. "Eh, well, the usual stuff, Chief. Modules, defence bunkers, shields, some troops, … all very cheap too, not at all in line with our philosophy."

"Do you remember, my friend, when Wylde first came to us two years ago," the voice said, "his mind all set on guns and tanks, fang and claw? What do you think his market would have looked like then, had I allowed him to control it? Not defence bunkers and modules I can promise you that. No, what you tell me now inspires confidence in me, he has come a long way since then. He knows his limits this new Wylde, he knows how far he can stretch that rubber band and not have it break. And you are right of course, he does not share our philosophy. He is a greedy one, Wylde, a profit seeker not an educator. He is nothing like us at all and yet, look at the market he made. Do you not see some of us in it?"

This was a lot to digest for an already distraught Speaks. He put his papers down on a different bony protrusion that served as a small table. "… allowed him?" he finally blurted out. "Did you expect this to happen? Did you plan for it?" There was only silence in response. Speaks recognized this from previous talks with the Chief. It meant he had inadvertantly asked a rhetorical question, that the answer was already given and so obvious it need not be spoken out loud. Yes of course the Chief had planned for this, how else could it ever have happened or been allowed to happen? … but, but why? A quizzical expression on his face and his arms now hanging limp down his sides, he looked up at the blue wall not sure what to say.

After a pause just long enough to dispel the worst of Speaks's confusion, the Chief spoke again: "Our time is drawing to a close, my friend, you have known this for some time. You have not known exactly when, or how, it would happen, but you have seen the portents, indeed you have lived them. You saw me leave the Colmsera colony over to Smokes and you wondered why but you did not ask; and you yourself organized the pull-out from Borderland and still you did not ask why. You did not ask because in your soul you knew. I have learned all that I shall learn now, from the aliens. I have seen what I need to see, of the cosmos. What I must seek next, I must seek inside of my own mind and spirit not out there with the stars and the aliens."



Chief Speaks gave his secretary a few more moments to digest these words before he continued. "Our Wylde, we will let him get on with his little project. We have taught him what we can and while he will always be human he will also carry within him a small bit of ourselves. It is only a little thing perhaps, but I think it will be enough. Before long now he will gather the confidence that he needs with his Coreward business, and he will come to us with a bigger proposal. I look forward to that conference. And I look forward to the peace that will follow. Go now, my friend, and do keep an eye on him, but leave him be. He knows us well, he will not shame us."

Following this the blue light faded, leaving the wall blank and featureless. Speaks remained in the chamber for another hour gathering his thoughts before he left, the soft creak of the sphincter closing behind him, a small fat mohache wandering back down the access artery.

In the now darkened interview chamber an abandoned stack of papers was slowly dissolving into the wall; the living ship recycling discarded material.




 
News
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Breaking News: Caliph Samuel Assassinated ***

The nominal head of the Caliphate, Samuel has been murdered in broad daylight at the starbase CAL Sidon in the Fortress system. The allegedly mad zealot was on his way to meet representatives of various civilian factions when a shadowy figure *cough*CIA agent*cough* shot him dead.

The CIA issued the following statement to the SSS with a customary nudge and a wink: "In these difficult times, as we come to terms with the loss of Samuel, we are taking things one day at a time.

"Samuel was not only our Caliph, but our leader during the Second Civil War which laid the foundations for the Confederacy after he left the Human Empire and settled in the Darkfold. It is truly a sad day and one that will be marked in history as one of many great leaders who were cut down in their prime.

"We will strive now to look to the future, whilst remembering our past”

Speculation is rife that this is the first step towards a unification of the two-halves of the Stellar Empire. Others are more hopeful this is a return to the Confederacy or the mark of greater separation with the Imperial bloc. Time will tell what nebulous motives the shadowy puppet-master Laton turned out to have had and which alien faction will be blamed for the Caliph’s murder.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * HEX / FET Invade Sargasso * Magnus v Nevets Fight! * Dewiek Black Hole Disaster * FLZ Correction * &etc

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** STOP PRESS: Felini Victory ***

In an unexpected development, the FEL have scored a decisive victory against the FLZ. Destroying or maiming some 20 Flagritz Baseships in the Onwards system.

What is more remarkable than the victory was there was no subsequent comment by Crazy Uncle Flagritz. We might need to have a lie down now.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * DEN and FEL * Valhalla Fighting Pits * RIP smacked * &etc


 
***** Christmas Special Edition *****

*** Ho Ho Ho ***

Welcome to the SSS Christmas Special Edition! We the Editors have put together a nostalgic pudding treat intended to delight and tickle even the scroogiest megacorp executive. So gather your cubs, squidlets and larvae for some silliness and song. Time to catch up with some classics from years gone by, raise your glasses and drink your gluttony and shame away!

Wishing you all a merry Christmas free from Krampus Jones's invading armies!

The Editors


 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Claws Out in Valhalla ***

In a bold rebuke of Crazy Uncle Flagritz’s attacks in the Avalon system, the cunning Felini Nevets ordered a hit on a FLZ outpost in the Valhalla system. Claiming miscommunication with his warships, the mischevious Avatar cocked a snook at the washed-out Dewiek warrior in charge of the system whilst claiming an important victory in the often one-sided conflict against the FLZ.

This isn’t the first time the foxy Feline has masked daring-do in the shroud of incompetence. It remains to be seen whether this turns out as disastrously as the time when the FEL had to pay the costs of a war started by Prince-turned-meklan LiQuan.

Meower-in-chief Chamiah apologised for the incident in a public address laced with snickering subtext and unconcealed laughter when she got to the bit about the unfortunate loss of “5 FLZ Warships in Onwards.”

A second incident in Valhalla was reported the next day with mardy Magnus complaining he wasn’t getting his claws in on the action. Could this be the pithy ploy that puts the cat on the mat?

Inside this issue of the SSS: * Merc-y Wimbles * Valhalla Fighting Pits Get Weird * Profile of Lyceum Amaguk * &etc


 
***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Nun on the Run ***

Alleged cosplayer Carmilla D’Morenta got the vicars in the Brotherhood all hot and bothered when she made a run for it. Possibly tired of being tied up by the reverends and denied the love that dare not howl its name. With a sizeable, almost unbelievable, bounty on her head, the barking sister took refuge with the Dewiek Elder Nation.

In possibly the shortest chase in history, the BHD managed to strike a blow for oppressed collars everywhere when they squared off with the naughty doggy-wannabe at the Valhalla stargate. The cheeky chaplains blew their hyperdrive at close range and both the BHD and DEN flagged ships were reported to be lost in space.

Inside this issue of the SSS: * DEN Ban BHD * Ulian * FLZ in Avalon * Valhalla Fighting Pits * Interview with Carmilla * And more


 
***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The New Editors ***

Dear Reader,

It has been a long time since we had the exquisite joy of Sub Space Static beaming mind-altering information into our retinas. Like you, we craved word from the offices of the IGN when the next edition would hit our Nexus terminals. We waited and waited. Then we got curious.

We fundraised a simple surveyor and sent it to the last sighting of the IGN. It was not where we expected it to be, in the Yank system. We asked the Junta but they were their usual helpful selves. Weeks, turned into months and still no sign.

Then we found it. The singularity. With a sign. The scrawl of a demented child that read "Kang woz 'ere." What could we do but enter. Our ship went in. Where, we cannot say. The air around us popped. Our faces folded and our bodies fused together. Our minds interconnected. Vast knowledge at our disposal. Yet, we became as stupid as the least of us. As greedy as the worst of us. As forgetful as the dumbest of us. As horribly biased as a partisan hack in a post-truth universe.

We became, in short, your Editors.

Welcome to the new SSS. It won't be as funny as before. It won't be clever by half. It won't be any better in any way. But it will be regular. As a mohache on refined laxatives. It will be informative. Oh it will be full of facts! Even if we have to make them up.

Send us your delicious exploration reports. Tell us about your pointless battles. Spread your vile anonymous rumours. Tell us how your mother didn't love you and that's why <insert Affiliation here> must be destroyed! Feed us, your Editors. Nurture us. Our Singularity opens to receive your offering.

Now here is the news.

 
****** Caliphate Syndicated News Network (CSNN) ******

user image

Welcome to another edition of news and views from the CSNN's favourite reporter and news anchor, Ainsley Moore, the peripheries' most favourite unbiased publication in the known universe, after an extended tour of the Inner Empire and all the delights within,

And so with the news, and there has been a lot of it!


Old News - FLZ/ GTT Break Ceasefire Agreement
 
****** Caliphate Syndicated News Network (CSNN) ******

user image

Welcome to another edition of news and views from the CSNN's favourite reporter and news anchor, Ainsley Moore, the peripheries' most favourite unbiased publication in the known universe,

And so with the news,

Alien Wars - Ulian Peace Agreements
 
****** Caliphate Syndicated News Network (CSNN) ******

user image

Welcome to another edition of news and views from the CSNN's favourite reporter and news anchor, Ainsley Moore, the peripheries' most favourite unbiased publication in the known universe, after a period of "secured safety training" for the CSNN team who was taken in by Caliphate security forces,

And so with the news,

Alien Wars - Empire Takes Ulian System, Empire Fleet Deployed
 
****** Caliphate Syndicated News Network (CSNN) ******

user image

Welcome to another edition of news and views from the CSNN's favourite reporter and news anchor, Ainsley Moore, the peripheries' most favourite unbiased publication in the known universe, continuing with a shortened "No News makes Good news?" special!

And so with the news,
 

Copyright | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use